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Get stupid while you sleep

14 Aug

People are stupid. It doesn’t matter how many times I point this out, it seems that nobody listens.

bantarplaster210.jpg

The latest idiots—an article in Swedish daily Aftonbladet tells of the new “diet bluff” that has apparently taken in a good many Swedes.

Here’s the deal—you put this special plaster on your foot while sleeping, and it will suck out your body fat, up to one kilo per night (!!!).

I wonder how it would feel to wake up with a kilo of fat in a little foot-nappy..? And I also wonder just how these people assume a kilo of fat is going to migrate from their rotund middle to the end of their feet. Through the veins, maybe..?

But aha! Here is the clincher, the deal-maker, the one to get the idiots all jump-up-and-down excited—you can lose weight without any effort, and while you sleep!

And then this idiot lady—who paid 500 crowns for this rubbish and then wasted the consumer association’s time by calling in to complain—gave the following insightful remark: “Now I understand it’s a hoax, but I so very much wanted it to be true.”

bantarbluff210.jpg

Well, Mutka 61, I am so very, very glad that reality is not based on what you want to be true, you fucking dope.

If a product sounds too good to be true, then why not look it up on the Internet, or ask your younger relatives to do it? And then when you discover it to be fake (surprise surprise) why not just chalk it up to experience and stop clogging up the consumer rights system with your brainless, whining complaints? The only real thing to complain about here is this—that you are an idiot.

Let’s repeat this again, for the millionth time. If you want to lose weight you eat less and you exercise more. Actually, better than eating less is completely changing your diet and eating more, but better. More veg, more fruit and nuts, less fat, sugar and junk food.

Miracle cures are just that—a miracle. And did miracles really happen? No, they didn’t. Ask anybody.

And this thing about “dense bones”…listen up, I will say this only once—everybody’s bones have the same density. If they didn’t, you would be Wolverine, and Wolverine you’re not. And almost nobody has a “hormone problem” that makes them overweight. Yes, some people do, but it is so rare as to be practically nobody.

There are, I admit, a good many medications that cause you to put on weight, and also various mental illnesses and depression, so that is indeed a genuine excuse.
But almost always being overweight comes from lifestyle, and almost never from genes. If your parents are overweight, and so are you, that usually means you have inherited their eating habits and not their chromosomes.

Magic cures work in on-line RPG games, but not in reality. And if you get sucked in by them, then the only person to blame is the staring back at you from the mirror before the day’s first espresso.

/ paddy

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7 Comments

Posted by on August 14, 2006 in Uncategorized

 

7 responses to “Get stupid while you sleep

  1. Daniel

    August 15, 2006 at 8:22 am

    You know, I would be far more concerned if that DID work…
    She should just be relieved that there’s no device that can suck your fat out through your feet.

     
  2. paddyk

    August 15, 2006 at 12:21 pm

    Or maybe what the thing actually does is suck out her BRAINS through her feet…and so it DOES work!!

     
  3. Daniel

    August 16, 2006 at 6:45 am

    I suppose it did it retroactively as well, since being stupid enough to purchase that product in the first place would require some serious brain-through-foot-sucking technology.

     
  4. 029

    August 23, 2006 at 1:12 am

    Damit man your writing is brilliant..

     
  5. DrDan

    August 24, 2006 at 1:44 pm

    Ah, a perfect opportunity to advertise my’Get less stupid in five seconds’ scheme. You send me 20 Euro, I send you a missive that says something along the lines of ‘Next time someone asks you to send them 20 Euro for something like this, don’t (stupid)’.

     
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