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Irish Doggy Style

07 Jan

Today I took H, aged 7, to a pet show. This was an extremely fun way to spend an afternoon, and we saw/poked/annoyed mice, rats, spiders, dogs, cats, sheep, pigs and everything furry you can imagine. I saw also my first dog trial, and I must say it was very impressive to see those little guys dashing about in a blur leaping over poles and scurrying through tunnels with an ecstatic look on their faces as they rushed to claim their doggy cocaine.

It could be nice to be a dog, I mused, although not, it seems, in Ireland. There was an information stand at the pet show today from a Swedish charity that “rescued” Irish dogs, and I was a touch annoyed that my country was put forward as one from which creatures required rescuing. But when I got home and looked it up on the web I found that this seems to be the case.

Apparently a dog is destroyed in Ireland every five minutes (except, for some reason, on Sundays, according to one article). Many of these dogs are shipped abroad, mainly to the UK, where they find new owners. (See following related articles in Swedish and in English.) The reason for these huge numbers of unwanted dogs are many.

First of all the Irish population of 4 million is too small to absorb a great many homeless dogs. Then there is a big greyhound “industry” in Ireland and a dog that fails to win can quickly find itself transported to a pound to await destruction. We also have the blazè “don’t give a shit about very much” Irish attitude. And finally, the main problem – Irish farmers rarely neuter their animals and allow them to dash around and shag everything within reach, resulting in thousands of unwanted puppies.

This last point can be explained by the simple fact that most country people are thick as shit – not all of them, mind you, but most. A majority of people who live and work in the Irish countryside view nature and animals as an irratation and a source of income and nothing else, and have little respect for the natural world. This unfortunately I know to be true, as I grew up in the country and saw it first hand.

When I think of the levels in idiocy to be found among many of the country people of Ireland I am actually rather glad that this “way of life” is dying out. Let our food be grown my robots, and let the country people move to a nice comfy city where a café latte and a broadband connection is never more than a hundred metres away.

And finally, since we are already committed to killing thousands of unwanted Irish dogs, why can’t we put them to a sensible use and just eat them? Many dogs are no smarter than pigs but I don’t see Swedish charities shipping unwanted pigs into the country to give them a cosy retirement. Let them eat dog, I say; make Ireland the leading country for canine cuisine, and I will once again be proud to be Irish!

/ paddy (looking forward to lots of hits with the phrase “doggy style” in the title)

 
4 Comments

Posted by on January 7, 2007 in Uncategorized

 

4 responses to “Irish Doggy Style

  1. Rex

    January 7, 2007 at 10:24 pm

    Woof woof woof woof

     
  2. Annaa M

    January 9, 2007 at 5:49 pm

    Jonathan Swift hade ju sina idéer om vad man skulle göra med det irländska barnöverskottet, så varför inte hundar? Men, alltså, såna där kapplöpningshundar, är det något kött att tala om på dem?

    I övrigt, säger som den amerikanska damen som såg Ryan´s Daughter; “The Irish, aren´t they supposed to be nice???!”

     
  3. paddyk

    January 11, 2007 at 2:36 pm

    Annaa: I guess those dogs are a bit stringy, but we could always make some soup with them.

     
  4. Stuart

    January 11, 2007 at 3:50 pm

    This post has nothing do with your article.

    A study carried out by DCU has shown that 100% of bank notes tested positive for cocaine, 3% tested positive for heroin. 45 notes were tested of varoius denominations. Sounds a bit like the result of an election in a middle eastern democracy.

    Furthermore, Sweden is sending a delegation to Ireland to study how not to deal with a drug problem.

    As for the dogs, Ronnie (mad but cute and loveable mutt) came from an animal sanctuary that was subsequently closed for cruelty to animals.

    Stuart.

     

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