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Ash Thursday

15 Apr

The big news today of course is the vast cloud of volcanic nastiness heading across the Atlantic, taking every plane out of the sky because of the risk of ash particles clogging the engines, turning to glass and causing quite a mess.

Among the travel refugees are H10 and his mum, stuck in Dublin for a few days since all flights out of the Fair City were cancelled. Not the worst city to be stuck in, of course; they could do a lot worse, like Stanstead, or pretty much anything with “Ryanair” painted over the doors.

But what most people have failed to notice is this is clearly the start of a horror movie; I mean, dangerous cloud moves across Europe, causing panic in its wake – come on, what else could it be?

Any day now we’ll have giant ants, and mutated moose, and hordes of Ryanair cabin staff turned into zombies and stumbling about with a desire to push our luggage under the seat, show us the exits and then consume our brains.

You know where you heard it first.

/ paddy

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20 Comments

Posted by on April 15, 2010 in Ireland, Life

 

Tags: , ,

20 responses to “Ash Thursday

  1. Rolf

    April 15, 2010 at 6:32 pm

    Rumours have it that Frankenstein’s monster, who escaped to Iceland lo these many years, only to fall down into a glacier to be deep frozen, has awakened because of the heat from the volcano. He is now on the rampage, trying to incite the neighbouring, much bigger and more dangerous, volcano to erupt, as a revenge on all those who have made him suffer so much. Meanwhile, back at Arlanda International Airport (Official Love Airport 2010 because of the Royal Wedding in Sweden in June, but *not* the Capital of Scandinavia, which is nothing but a tawdry marketing concept) people who have been spending the night at the airport sleeping on the sofas are beginning to wake up with small red marks on their throats and a burning thirst for blood. Airport authorities have stated that rumours about vampires are nothing but old fashioned superstition. What will happen next?

    cheers/Rolf

     
    • paddyK

      April 16, 2010 at 6:17 am

      Call DN and tell them, I think they’ll be interested.

       
  2. SK

    April 15, 2010 at 7:56 pm

    I for one welcome our new etc. etc.

     
    • paddyK

      April 16, 2010 at 6:15 am

      I’m with you on that. Can’t do much worse, can they?

       
  3. Ben Warsop

    April 15, 2010 at 11:48 pm

    … turned into …?

     
    • paddyK

      April 16, 2010 at 6:15 am

      Say what now?

       
      • Melliferax

        April 16, 2010 at 9:42 am

        He’s saying the Ryanair staff already are zombies.

         
  4. Wynn

    April 16, 2010 at 1:36 am

    I’m just starting to believe the maya indians are right with their 2012 prediction.

     
    • paddyK

      April 16, 2010 at 6:15 am

      If the Mayans were so fucking smart, then where are they today, eh? Not very good at predicting invasion and genocide, were they?

       
  5. Wynn

    April 16, 2010 at 3:14 pm

    Hey that has nothing to do with intelligence. Maybe they were smart pussies. Ya know, like scientists.

     
    • paddyK

      April 17, 2010 at 10:01 am

      Then probably all moved to Iceland, that’s how smart they were.

       
  6. earthpal

    April 17, 2010 at 8:59 am

    Paddy at his best. This is one of my favourite coffee-time blogs.

    I hope H10 is ok. Like you said, it could be worse. If I could choose where to be stuck (which is a silly statement really because how can anyone choose where to be stuck), a pub in Dublin would definitely be one of my choices.

    Bring on the Horror B movies.

     
    • paddyK

      April 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

      Thank! They are stuck for another while, until at least Monday. But hey, they have fish and chips. H10 might not be here for his birthday though, and that sucks.

       
  7. Bellis

    April 17, 2010 at 3:30 pm

    Well, only yesterday they had to cancel 17 000 European flights because of that nasty cloud that’s also turning you lot in Northern Europe into giant ants.

    I’m not planning on succumbing to the poisonous cloud, however, because it won’t reach Greece. Instead I’m going to feel a whole lot better boarding my next flight, in view of all the flights that have been cancelled and thus saving us from an enormous amount of climate changing emissions. So what will one or two little flights matter after all these cancelled flights, right?!

    But wait a sec. I am going to feel a whole lot better *boarding* the flight, but what if the cabin staff all turn out to be Ryanair-zombies and all the other passengers giant ants…

    Ok, b-horror movie turned reality, here I come…

    All the best,
    Bellis

     
    • Rolf

      April 17, 2010 at 3:42 pm

      “I’m not planning on succumbing to the poisonous cloud, however, because it won’t reach Greece.”

      Ha!

      As for the rampaging giant ants in Stockholm, the situation is going from worse to atrocious. The ants are ripping out all the telephone line poles and road lighting poles, to build ant nests. Even Rob’s Place has been evacuated. The ants have established a nest in their sub cellar.

      Will you come to Stockholm to help the patriotic resistance fighters?

      cheers/Rolf

       
      • Bellis

        April 17, 2010 at 3:59 pm

        Rolf:

        “Will you come to Stockholm to help the patriotic resistance fighters?”

        Nah, it’s too nice and lazily comfortable here in wonderful Greece.

        Do you think it’ll do if I send a force of our giant, Greek cockroaches instead? They are quite awesomely huge with or without poisonous cloud, and we’d just be happy to get rid of a sizable gang of them! Trust me, the Swedish giant ants will be seen running away, screaming at the top of their lungs! You didn’t think ants even could scream, now did you?! Well, wait until they’ve laid eyes on the Greek elite cockroaches!

        Drive a hard,
        Bellis

         
  8. Rolf

    April 17, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Bellis :
    Do you think it’ll do if I send a force of our giant, Greek cockroaches instead? They are quite awesomely huge with or without poisonous cloud, and we’d just be happy to get rid of a sizable gang of them!

    Your roaches won’t take step one beyond our immigration authorities. Even if they show up their dying little eggs, we’ll still send them back. But your idea is basically sound. We’ll try feeding radioactive surströmming to our swedish wolf packs. That might do the trick.

    cheers/Rolf

     
  9. paddyK

    April 18, 2010 at 4:08 pm

    Rolf+Bellis: I will let you guys babble away to each other, since I have no idea what you both are going on about.

     
    • Bellis

      April 18, 2010 at 4:42 pm

      Oh, Paddy. That is a surefire sign. You have breathed too much of the Islandic volcanic smoke already. You are turning into a giant ant. Slowly losing the ability to understand the written word… and now that I look closer, I can distinctly see som ant-like features in your photograph here on the blog that weren’t there before…

      Oh, my.

      Well, good luck under the new circumstances and keep away from the giant Greek cockroaches when they show up!

      All the best,
      Bellis

       

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