Thieving Junkie Bastards

Today some bastard took my wallet.

I had just paid for a sandwich in the shop and had put the wallet back in my jacket pocket. Then I walked 10 meters away, looked for the wallet so I could put it properly away, and discovered it was gone.

The bastard in question had followed me from the bank machine and into the shop. I am sure of it – there was a guy rather close behind me in the queue. But how did he pick my pocket? I am always so careful, and usually paranoid. But I guess he was a professional – and everybody has to be good at something, right?

So then came the panic. Cards! Library card! Photographs! That 5-euro note I had never changed (along with another 300 crowns in cash)! My stamp card for the coffee shop, which needed only 2 more stamps to get a free Latte!!! I rang the bank to cancel the cards and searched through the garbage bins, pretty sure it was a junky who would take the cash and dump the rest. I discovered, incidentally, that garbage bins are mostly full of old newspapers and coffee cups, but no wallet.

Then I became resigned to the idea, and was looking forward to getting a shiny new wallet, when the shop called to say it had been handed in. So I dashed back and found that everything, except the 300 crowns, was intact. The lazy bastard had even left the 5-euro note behind.

To summarise – you can’t prepare, they are always smarter than you. So use plastic whenever you can, look behind you at cash machines, chain the door, seal the windows and hide under the sofa, because they’re COMING TO GET YOU!!

/ paddy, poorer but wiser


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