Bite My Veggie Ass

I am largely vegetarian, but I rarely mention it. There is nothing worse than going to dinner with a person who starts to analyse the moral and ethical aspects of all the food on display. “Do you know how much the cow had to suffer to give us this beef?” Yeah, well do you know how much I have to suffer while listening to you, boring-ass?

In fact, one of the reasons I started to eat fish and the very occasional bit of dry-land flesh is to avoid being put in the same category as people who think that “meat is murder” and so on. Meat isn’t murder, friend – killing a person is murder, and a chicken is not a person. Even I, as a long-time almost-veggie, can see that.

But now it’s gone too far. Now you can get yourself a partner across whose lips a piece of toasted animal flesh has never passed. Check it out:

Now when I seek a partner, what they have for breakfast is not really high up on my list. A little more important is if they are nice, smart, cute and are willing to put up with me. The occasional meatball is not really an issue.

And for the ethical pain-in-the-ass veggies, who constantly moan about not understanding why people eat meat, let me explain – because it fucking tastes good!

/ paddy

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