Yesterday I was in the English Shop in Stockholm, getting my weekly fix of Double Deckers and Salt and Vinegar crisps (the total lack of which in the rest of Sweden I will complain about at a later date…). I overhead a Swedish lady who was explaining to her young son about all the strange English food. “This is mayonnaise,” she was saying. “English people put it on sandwiches, how disgusting!”
Well now, lady, I have 2 things to say. 1) The person who has never had a tuna-fish sandwich slathered in mayonnaise does not know true joy; and 2) The Swedes are in NO position to look at other culture’s food and call it disgusting.
This is the country where the height of culinary excellence is round balls of mince-meat fried to death and then served with soggy pasta. This is where they have a dish called “Plank-steak” which is essentially a steak, surrounded by mashed potatoes, served on – you guessed it – a plank. This is the home of the world’s most floppy, fat-soaked pizzas ever conceived, where the olives on the pizza still have the stones in them (I kid you not).
In Sweden, the coffee must be boiled mercilessly for an hour before being served; where tea tastes like piss with flowers in it. Salads consist of lettuce, tomatoes and cucumber and nothing else; pea-soup and pancakes are considered to go together; and they serve you jam – JAM! – with your potatoes and think it is nice.
I could go on, but a quick Google search for “Swedish Food Sucks” will do the job just as well. To summarise: if you ever come to Stockholm and see a restaurant offering “Swedish Cuisine”, you should do the noble thing and run like hell.