The New Evil

So the whole company went to a 2-day conference on a little island that was no more than a rock with a few houses on it. Nice, as the last such conference had been in 2000, just before the IT sector went to hell.

And we talked about being efficient and all that usual stuff, and drank wine and beer, and then at 2:30 in the morning, there were only 4 of us left. We sat indoors, drinking and talking, when suddenly A. produced a package of cigarettes and announced she was about to have one. She took out a cigarette and lit it up.

“No!” we screamed in unison. “Not indoors! For the love of God and the baby Jesus!!!” A. told us to piss off – if she wanted to smoke indoors she bloody well would. So I opened a few windows and settled down with the others to drink more wine and – yes! I admit it! – to smoke indoors.

Oh the thrill of it; the feeling of utter badness and naughtiness…It felt like shooting up heroin in a church.

An hour later I went to bed, leaving 2 of my comrades behind, trusting them to remove all evidence before they retired for the night. But at breakfast the next day, the manager of the place appeared and made a very grave announcement. “This is shocking to relate, and its never happened before, but, well…last night somebody SMOKED INDOORS!”

The assembled people fell silent. We felt like 8-year olds being lectured by a grumpy teacher after having tortured a cat to death. A. admitted it had been her, and I kept my mouth shut, as I am a coward. There were a few more stern looks and that was the end of that.

But seriously…what has the world come to? I mean, when did it happen that a few cigarettes smoked indoors by consenting adults when nobody else is around, is such a fucking BIG DEAL? Aren’t there more pressing things to worry about? Global warming? Mass consumerism? That new flavour of Festis that tastes like warmed-up puke?

We are gong the wrong way, people. Time to jump on a different train, call a better taxi or steal a really, really flashy bicycle.

/ paddy


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