God and Other Goblins

Marilyn Manson – our latest example of pre-packaged Corporate Shock. After getting blamed for the Columbine Massacre in 1999, his cred as the anti-Brittney has shot through the ceiling.

What gets him into the most moral hot water is of course the way he looks – that tall, skinny, demonic thing with the cat-eye contacts and the malevolent stare. Christians just can’t bear it. All over the Web Christian sites are foaming at the mouth in their anger over this guy, and what he ‘represents’.

manson.jpg

Figure 1 – A guy dressed up

When will hard-core Christians get it into their stupid, vapid, hateful heads that people do this kind of stuff BECAUSE they know it will get a reaction. Manson no more believes in Satan that he does in Jesus H. Christ our lord and bearded saviour. He is PULLING THEIR LEGS and the brainless God-kissing masses just don’t see it. It is like a red rag to a bull, or a bottle of Jack Daniels to Larry Hagman. And every time they foam at the mouth it gets a few more kids downloading his music to see what all the fuss is about.

Here is a typical rabid “Manson is Satan” site, plainly written by an idiot who believes absolutely anything he reads.

Quick note to concerned Christian parents – your kids do not care about going to heaven, because they know it doesn’t exist. I repeat – Heaven-does-not-exist, and nether do Oz, Atlantis, the tooth fairy or Vin Diesel. Write it down, print it out, and memorise it. If you want to get a ‘reward’ for your behaviour then start being nice to people in this life, you fucking twits, and quit saving up moral brownie points for some magical fairy kingdom in the sky.

pretend.JPG

Figure 2 – Some useful tips

Manson is very well aware that nothing advertises a CD or a movie more than a flock of confused people with tight pants waving signs about Jesus and Paradise. If they just shut the fuck up, and let the CD/movie in question go away, then it would have a much bigger effect.

But of course they like the attention. As the bible said: “Thou shalt grow a portly stomach, collect in groups and wave thy signs in a spiteful manner, and by this thou shalt be accepted into my kingdom, if we can find room for thy fat ass.”

And, to round this off nicely, a few real quotes from the bible (small letters, people, small letters…)

1 Corinthians 14:34 (Written by Paul)
Women should be silent in the churches, for they are not permitted to speak, but should be submissive, as the law also says.

Matthew 6:19 (Jesus speaking)
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.

Leviticus 19:19
Do not plant your field with two kinds of seed. Do not wear material woven of two kinds of material.

Proverbs 23:13
Withhold not correction from the child: for if thou beatest him with the rod, he shall not die.

Isaiah 13:16
Their infants will be dashed to pieces before their eyes; their houses will be looted and their wives ravished.

Nice tips indeed to base your life on. I think I’ll stick with Seinfeld.

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Figure 3 – More useful tips

/ paddy

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9 thoughts on “God and Other Goblins

  1. This post has filled me with a raging desire to kiss your feet and shower you with flower-chains.

    I’m going to ask all my fundie peers to read this post, put it in their myopic pipe and smoke it until they asphyxiate.

  2. charliebadaboom: Feet-kissing is always encouraged. If I ever start a cult I’ll give you a call. But you don’t need to send it to any fundies – they are immune to satire, wit and logic. And they aren’t getting any blow jobs so they’re all grumpy.

    flory: Leviticus was one mean hard-core bastard. I bet he had a cousin on the Bible committee who got all his wacky stuff included.

  3. The bible was written by four sources. The priests were one source and their main concern was making lists of where everyone came from and was descended from so they’d know who the priests were. Leviticus was written by the priests. It’s commonly held by theologian scholars that the old testament–the pentatuch–was a collection of Middle Eastern myths collected by Ezra. I wish it said that in the front. The Tanakh: ed by Ezra.

    That’s why there are two creation stories in the first book.

    Oh yeah. I thought about you when I read this post the other day:

    http://de-conversion.com/2007/07/03/dont-ask-me-to-read-your-holy-book/

  4. lexfoster: Wow, an academic answer – you sound like you know what you’re talking about! Where did you learn all this?

    My Holy Book is “The Difference Engine” by Gibson and Sterling. And if something isn’t in there, then I won’t have it in my house!!!

  5. I learned it from my rabbi when I converted to Judaism. Because I converted as an adult we talked about things on a grown up leavel. Most people learn about religion as children and never really get beyond the simplistic stories they learn as kids. They never question those stories. My rabbi was very cool about it. He’s more about taking the lessons of tolerance and forgiveness and not being a poohead than saying one belief is better than another. He also believes praying is talking to the person you want to be–your higher self–rather than Father Christmas in the sky or whatever.

    At the synagogue they have four huge books that have every passage of the Tanakh–the ‘old testament’ which is also the Jewish bible–marked out by where it originated. And of course now I can only recall the priests, because they were so big on the lists and boring the hell out of everyone with all the ‘begats’.

    I was reading one story–I think the Exodus story–and something jumped out at me as not fitting in. So I went and looked it up in the big books of truth and sure enough, they’d come from different sources.

    You can read more about god’s editor, Ezra, here: http://jewishatheist.blogspot.com/2006/01/who-wrote-bible.html

    It’s a useful argument for people who say god ‘wrote’ the bible.

    Nope. If he did he was incredibly confused, what with contradicting himself constantly. It’s almost like it’s a compliation of myths… oh, wait.

    Great. Now it’s going to drive me crazy–I have to go find what the four sources are…

  6. Found a source that can explain it better than I can. http://users.cyberone.com.au/myers/bible.html

    It looks like a lot to read, but really the first bit that comes up on your screen explains it. I love telling Christians that there are two creation stories. They go: NU UH! It only happened once and only one way. I then ask what way it happened and then show them two two instances. Big conflicts on the first page of the bible. You’d think god would know which order things happened in.

    Hell, you’d think he’d’ve mentioned dinosaurs and other planets while he was at it.

  7. Alex: Ah yes you see but God was only talking through man, and even though God is all powerful, man is fallible and wasn’t paying attention. Or something like that.

    I just wanted to know what happened to those giants who were mentioned briefly in Genesis and never brought up again. maybe we’ll find out in the Director’s Cut…

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