On December 20, 2001 I went out and bought a top from Diesel. The top, it turned out, had magical powers. I was newly separated from my ex at the time and my self-esteem hovered somewhere around my ankles. However as soon as I spotted this Diesel top it cried out to me and I was forced to part with 800 Swedish crowns in order to make it mine.
I wore it out that night and its powers became evident when an attractive 19-year old took a liking to me, took me home and shagged me senseless. Note: this had never happened to me before, and has not happened to me since, and it was all obviously thanks to the top and its mystical poontang energy.
Needless to say, after that night I wore the magic top hundreds of times and it began to get a bit worn out. Eventually the elbows wore away completely and I had to hang it in a cupboard, promising myself I would get it repaired.
And then, a few months ago, I DID eventually take it to get repaired. I took it in, pointed out the holes in the elbows and assumed that the gentleman tailor would understand that a couple of matching round leather or swede patches would fix it up nicely, or at least good enough to be worn.
Unfortunately I had stumbled upon Stockholm’s worst tailor. When I went to pick up the top I saw that he had simply sewn a strip of black vinyl around both of the elbows on the OUTSIDE of the garment. It looked like somebody had just wrapped a few layers of black electrical tape around the elbows. It was a disaster – the top was ruined, its magic forever dispersed.
I was in shock and could only nod dumbly when the guy asked me if it was OK; I wandered home in a daze with my magic top, now ruined and unwearable. I took its life a few days later, unable to see it live in such agony, and now all I have are the sweet, sweet memories.
I was reminded of the top yesterday, in the airport on the way back from Ireland. A girl sitting across from me had the magic top (in a different colour) and I was very, very close to asking her where she got it. However she was only 15 or so and sat there with a parent, so I felt it was not really a good idea if a 35-year old man were to start complementing her on her clothes.
So now I search on eBay, wandering like a lost soul. Sometimes I find it in the wrong colour, or wrong size, but never absolutely right. Below are a few examples, one of which is the wrong size and colour and dead ugly, and another that is almost right except for the style of the letters.
Figure 1: So very very close…
And so I appeal to anybody who has information about the whereabouts of any similar Diesel tops to contact me IMMEDIATELY, and help bring a little Christmas magic back into my life.