I really have no idea how my body works. I’m fine on the major functions – eating, breathing, stopping hiccups by sticking a finger in my ear – but the minor things have me befuddled and confused.
Take weight. How my weight changes is a mystery. Over my life it has wandered all over the place – from 60-ish kilos as a wee country lad, up to 72 during my last year in college, back down to 60 shortly after that and slowly creeping up with the years ever since. Before heading home for Christmas, it was 65.5 or so, and after a week or chocolates, chips, booze, good food and little exercise I feared the worse.
Today I weighed myself and found it was 64.9, that is to say LESS than it was before Christmas. This makes a weird kind of sense – if I train my ass off and eat salads for a week my weight remains the same, but if I completely go to town and stuff myself, it goes down.
I have also noticed that eating and weight-gain have a slight time-delay. A weekend of eating junk food will not do any damage until three or four days later, when the scale will suddenly leap upwards. What is the fat doing in the meantime, I wonder? Is it hovering over my head, or hiding under the scales, leaping out only when I least expect it?
And as for diets – I’ve tried a few over the years when required, and the only one that really works is called “eat better and exercise”. The diet-shake stuff works for a while, but your body ALWAYS rebounds and replaces the lost weight as soon as you stop. Really, I can’t say this enough times – change what you eat and take all the exercise you can.
And my best diet tip – porridge. Fruit sounds great, but fruit never fills you up, no matter how much of it you eat. A nice bowl of porridge does the trick every time, stops hunger, and fills you up with slow-release carbohydrates. So remember:
Figure 1: Porridge – it’s not just for breakfast!