How to measure my dick

Well I needed some hits, so what else was I supposed to do? Write some news, or a thought-provoking article on cabbage, or comment on this or that aspect of modern life? Or just start talking about my dick? Well that’s a no-brainer: dick = hits and don’t you forget it mister!


So I spent a good part of my life with the suspicion that my todger was too small. It’s easy to imagine this when you never get to see another one. For women and their breasts it’s a bit more clear-cut: although breasts can be fluffed up with the right undergarments, it is not that difficult to see how yours compare to everybody else’s. But getting a look at another man’s erect member is a difficult job indeed. And for a shy, straight country boy, without the advantage of a public-school education and the buggery involved, it is practically impossible.

The average woman has seen vastly more erect penises that the average man. We get to see only one in detail, and usually from a non-flattering angle. So we gaze at other men and wonder – how does mine measure up? And although everyone says “It’s not how big it is, it’s what you do with it”, we all know this is just some rubbish made up by men with little peanuts. Let us apply the same logic to, say, the world’s tallest building, and see how far that gets us.

penis.jpgSo we are reduced to peeking at articles in our girlfriend’s Cosmo, or searching for “penis” on the Internet with one hand poised ready to clear the browsing history before the missus gets home. And now and again we stumble across those articles and surveys disclosing the size of the nation’s collective knob.

Now, I suspect these may not be so reliable simply because, in most of these surveys, they just ASK the men how big their dicks are. I mean, come on! You think that is going to give you any honest answers? And anyway, it’s impossible to know how to measure it properly. A good deal of the dick is under the surface of the skin, and if you pull it out a bit before applying the tape-measure, you can normally squeeze out another inch or two.

Penis measuring is a science in itself, as you can see by searching on Google for “How to measure your penis”. (Warning: do NOT go to Google and search for “How to measure your penis” unless you want to stumble into a deeply unsettling, neon-light-blinking part of the Internet.) However, with one eye closed, I eventually found a good survey with lots of sober tables and information, and even a few dick pictures thrown in:

And so to the climax (heh heh) of this little article. Armed only with a tape measure and a dopey smile I have found the length of my erect member to be 152mm, give or take a push or a shove. This puts me somewhere less than average on the penile dimension scale. But, then again, it’s not how big it is, it’s where you put your stapler that matters. Or something like that…

/ paddy (laying it on the line…heh heh…)

56 thoughts on “How to measure my dick

  1. hahahaha. hahahahahaha. jesus, man – going public with your dicksize
    and all… But hey, what about porn? Or do you simply see their size
    as … not realistic, or average enough? But Ive seen my fair share of
    porn, and you do see kind of normal penises there too. Even smaller
    ones. A significant reason for guys thinking their penis is too small
    is simply the from-above perspective – it fools you. Plus – on older
    guys like us who dont shave their stuff – the upper part of thepenis is
    covered by hair.

  2. You’re probably right, but some cold days my lips get really chapped and the only thing that’ll relieve them is lip balm.

  3. I don’t know Paddy, 152mm sounds pretty big. I think I need to see a picture to back up your claims.

  4. Hey, you completely neglected girth – I demand an addendum to address this under-rated penile dimension! Thinking about it, perhaps volume should be the definitive measurement. I’ve even come up with a way of measuring it – in your case, Paddy, you will require a glass or cup that is at least 152mm deep. I’m sure you can figure out the rest………….

  5. D: Covered by hair? Older guys like us? Speak for yourself…

    Mr. Fogarty: Actually menthol toothpaste works better, applied around the glans.

    Tim: A picture can be arranged – I’ll even include the day’s newspaper so you know it’s current.

    DrDan: Volume is interesting, of course. Write to Cosmo and ask then why this measurement is so often overlooked. Or where are the articles: “Do the number of cubic centimetres really matter?”

  6. Anonymous: I’m afraid we can’t discuss that here, it may be considered child pornography, and I don’t want the government to come breaking my door down, like they do a lot in Sweden.

  7. Hah, how very, very interesting! Great link (the first one, didn’t dare check out the second one).

  8. Karin: What are you doing up so late, reading about measuring penises..? And yes, it is very, very interesting. In fact I get more hits on this article than any other. And the size IS important, right..?

  9. I don’t know either, 152mm sounds quite big. I think I need to see a picture to back up your claims as well.

  10. Derik: Sure, I’ll just send a picture of my erect member to a complete stranger. Or maybe I can just come over to your house and let you have a look at it..?

  11. I will show any male my penis-that’s no big deal. It’s just shy of 8 inches, and I like it admired by any gender. To have it admired gives me a high I can’t describe. A few guys I’ve showed it to also want to wank me, and that’s ok too. I let them do it. I feel I’m here to please others, not myself.

  12. Paddy, I suppose that comment is supposed to be an insult-but in my culture it means absolutely nothing. In the first place, I haven’t yet showed you my dick. So you can’t know what it looks like. And secondly, all I know about a turnip is that it’s a disgusting, starchy vegetable which I don’t eat. I suppose to have a scrotum filled with two fat meatballs could vaguely resemble a turnip…

  13. Anonymous: Ignore me, I am just pulling your (impressive) chain. Yes indeed, root vegetables and meatballs, now we’re talking!

  14. Ok, I guess you’re an alright guy. As long as others don’t judge me for being as I am, I’m happy. Maybe I do have a mental quirk, but I somehow always felt like anyone who enjoyed seeing me nude-was showing that they loved me-especially if they also touched me. To me it’s the highest form of acceptance and admiration to be appreciated visually. Male or female or mixed-I love it. An immediate erection is a guarantee, I can’t describe the excitement it brings.

  15. It would be more fun for us girls if guys didn’t -always- wanna se us naked just because. Kinda lost its value for us..

  16. ullis: I think people look better in clothes than out of them – leaves more to the imagination. Och om Herr. Anonymous inte slutar tjata om sin kuk kommer jag bli väldigt, väldigt sur och elak…

  17. On Measuring: Always do it from the pubic bone (to even the field for the cherubic), press “slightly” on the fat pad with your ruler. If you measure soft, stretch your ding dong, get your measurement. When you measure hard, the ruler should be horizontal to the ground – no pulling. Girth? Use your thickest/widest point. Since you opened up, I will to. I used to think (like most guys) that I was smaller than most guys. I’ve never seen another guys erection and convinced myself that the other guy would always be bigger. Also, in my early 20’s, one of my girlfriends told me I had a small dick during an argument (bitch). This was in the 80’s (no internet, no info). So for years I felt inferior. No other female comments positive or negative for 20 years – maybe 20-30 girls. Then one day while camping with friends, my then girlfriend told some other girls the I had a big dick – right in front of me! I was SHOCKED (you can’t buy that kind of rumor!). Later I asked her why she said that, she said because it was true and I already knew it. More shock. From that moment on, I’ve asked every partner about my size (even tho that makes me look lame) and all said bigger than average (and quit fishing for compliments egomaniac). So, now I no longer have a complex (swapped it for an ego) – but am amazed how one comment from an angry girl had so much impact for so long. Also, I can “bottom out” with most partners, and none like it (I do, makes me feel HUGE!). So how big is my whopper? Only 6.4 long and 5.25 girth. Not really big at all compared to what you often read… Of the 15-20 girls I’ve asked, not a one has seen a really big dick on any of the guys they’ve been with – probably 75-100 guys total. Bottom line? Quit worrying.

  18. MY penis is 8 1/2 inches and any1 witha penis under 7 inches is actually pretty small, the average penis size takes into account asians whos average penis is only about 4 inches so average american penis is about 8

  19. zues: Where do you get your facts from? Give me a source please. And so Asians can’t be American? Piss off and learn how to spell, you moron. And how to think.

  20. ZUES WHAT THE FUCK ARE U TALKING ABOUT ESE! THE AVERAGE SIZE FOR A DICK IS 5 in. u dumb fuck!!!!!!!! I BET U MADE THAT SHIT UP HUH!! PINCHI WAY!!! by the way mine is 9in. what u got’s to say ese.

  21. NO MASTER666 do not worry about it. girl’s should love u for who u are. but if so, there’s pills u can take. just be yourself and keep ur head up. not the dick head your actuall head. just keep it coo, remember it’s the motion of the ocean.

  22. O K !!! wierd way to put it, but a girl will get an orgasim, as long as u can last a long time. remember keep your head up

  23. Guys: Hey, what’s the deal with not being able to spell? Is that a badge of honour or something? Or am I just in the wrong generation to understand?

  24. hi , 8 inch and 5.5 girth , not bad but would like it bigger? a free way to increase size, when you are fully erect tense your penis and hold for 3 seconds, do this 5 times every time your hard and it will make you a boner machine haha ,, peace tom

  25. hi my dick is only 2.5″ can you mack it bigger with this. can you tell me contack me thanks

  26. HEY, dick-size perverts – PISS OFF the lot of you and quit leaving your shitty little comments all over my blog. It stopped being amusing quite a while ago.

  27. Lol @ all the penis discussion. I get around 6″, give or take. It’s hard to say. However, I am only 16. I’m not asking you to discuss it Paddy, I respect that. I was just curious, and… well… yeah.

  28. To add, I hate people that can’t spell
    liek dis or dont use grammarorpunctuation thinkking there cool.

    So a toast to proper spelling and grammar, my friend.

  29. Hey, for the record- I’ll leave my age out of this, but I do have some input that maybe everyone could take into consideration.

    When someone judges another based on the size of his penis- this may very well be their own insecurity showing. I live in America, and don’t spend too much time thinking about dicks (believe it or not), but I know for a fact that in a forum such as this, constructive criticism should be prevalent- this is SUPPOSED to be informative- right?

    Some comments brag 9 inches erect- and that may very well be so… BUT- you must all understand that this forum isn’t a dick fest- but rather a group of people that ALL were looking for information.

    Every person who reads this comment (although their comments may seem otherwise) has come here for the information. EVERYONE. Please- for God’s sakes, don’t be ignorant!

    And by the way- my erect penis is around 2 ½- 3 inches. And guess what else? I’m fine with it.


    Concerned Observer

  30. Hey, just checking up on the forum… and my comment. I noticed that I put 2 1/2 inches – 3. *Laugh* That was a mistype (although it shouldn’t matter- if you even read that comment at all…), and my actual size is 3 1/2- 4 inches.

    That’s kind of a big thing to miss right? (Pun? Or Iriony?)

    But, anyways- Good day.

  31. fucking queers…talkin about dicks&balls….com over here and i will show you some dick and balls. i luv homos

  32. PS Thank God you’re here. I’m posting about organ harvesting over on my site which is what happens when you protest with Tibetans at the Chinese Embassy in Dublin and there are Falun Gong people there with pictures you can’t resist looking at and then you recognise the name of the Canadian who did some big report on them as he was a classmate and then you look at the report on the internet and you realise human beings are utterly depraved but then you check in on PaddyK and he makes you laugh your ass off and that is how we survive, isn’t it? So thanks.

  33. OR Melling: Yes, men are strange. I used to delete all the annoying comments the idiots left on this post, but now I just change them slightly so they make no sense. Much more fun!

    And thanks for wonderful praise. The world does suck, but still we shine.

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