Dirty naughty mobile


Why does my telephone pretend to not understand swear words? I put on the T9 function (which stands for “text on 9 keys”, apparently) and try to spell a standard and useful word such as “fuck” or “cunt”. And my phone turns its nose up at me and imagines that I want to spell “dual” or “aunt” instead.

Who are the fucking morons who make this software? If you market a product to teenagers and people in their early twenties, don’t you assume that there will be a little swearing going on?

Here, as an example, is my phone’s pathetic attempts to correct my spelling when I try to use “bad” words:

  • Fuck: dual
  • Bastard: casuap
  • Cunt: aunt
  • Piss: sips
  • Bollox: collo?
  • Shit: shiv

“Shiv?” Now what the hell is a “shiv” and why should it be more useful than “shit”, a word that comprises half of my spoken vocabulary? I do not understand why I have to “teach” my phone to understand these words. And so, in an attempt to get to the bottom of this, I have sent a mail to Sony Ericsson (who “produce” my phone, even though they probably just shipped it over in fragments from China) and asked the following simple questions:

Why does the T9 spelling system on my phone not recognise standard swear words such as “fuck” or “bastard” that are an accepted part of the English language? Does Sony Ericsson have a “standard” version of English that excludes these words, and if so, which version of English is it?”

I am not sure how my phone reacts to Swedish swear words, but I am fairly sure that it will give the same wide-eyed innocent expression when asked to spell smutty words such as “kuk” or “jävlar” or “fitta”.

If anybody knows of a cure, a way to tune my mobile to the vibes of reality, then by all means let me know. I simply refuse to live in a world without swear words – it’s already grim enough.

Note: the answer to my question came today, so I will paste it in here:

With regards to your enquiry, not all people think of these as inofensive this is why Sony Ericsson have not included them as part of the T9 dictionary, however you can add these to your personal T9 dictionary within the handset.

Well I’m glad they’re looking out for us…

/ paddy


6 thoughts on “Dirty naughty mobile

  1. csrster: Yes indeed, I see whole new possibilities opening up: “That dualing casuap!” and so on.

    Martin: Anything can be a dirty word, it just depends on how you say it.

    Conor: Maybe my phone is a fantasy nerd…

  2. It amuses me that mine appears to have a literary frame of mind. Cool is Book – it seems. I wonder if it thinks that a book is cool?

    You can always tell how scatalogical a person is, by the words they’ve taken the time and trouble to add to their predictive text dictionary.


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