Last Friday I had an irresistible craving for chips (= pommes frites / potatoes fried in oil and love). I don’t really know why: extreme fatigue, brainwashing, menopause or whatever. So after dropping H at his school at 8:15 I passed a convenient McDonald’s and presented myself at the counter with a dozy early morning grin upon my face.
– Please sir, if you will, a package of your finest fried potatoes equivalent, medium size.
The shift manager gave me a funny look and said:
– I am sorry sir, but you cannot purchase fried potatoes equivalent until 10 of the clock. Right now tis breakfast only.
I stared at the McSerf presented to me and my eyes grew wide.
– What? Hold on…let me get this straight. I can’t get chips at a McDonald’s? Is this what you are trying to tell me? No chips?
– Ah…yes, not until 10. But if you want breakfast, let me show you-
– No thanks, I will shit on it then (translation from Swedish phrase: Nej tack, då skiter jag i det).
And so I left McDonald’s, chip-less, wondering what the world was coming to.
Now McDonald’s, once the prime purveyor of grease and salt to all and sundry any time of the day or night, is plainly losing its way. Just last year in Stockholm they started to charge everybody to use the toilets in their “restaurants”, even the customers. Their new veggie burger requires a ten-minute wait and is a pale copy of Burger King’s Bean Burger, and their pathetic attempts to introduce “salads”, “healthy options” and “McCafes”just isn’t fooling anyone.
But is a world without McDonald’s any better than a world with them? They serve a useful purpose is giving us all a target upon which to vent our anger, and they are so big that they are forced to listen to customer’s opinions, if only in a half-arsed kind of way. And any improvement forced upon them will have a rather large effect worldwide, across the whole food making-and-tarting-up industry.
Of course, any damaging decision will also have a more serious effect given the sheer size of McDonald’s corporate arse. But, in a spirit of peace and reconciliation, I offer McDonald’s the following deal. They may continue to exist and do business if they promise to:
1) Make all of their base products healthier (wholemeal, smaller portions, water and juices, good salads)
2) Come up with some decent veggie food
3) Pay their staff properly and give them the right to form unions
4) Shoot the clown, in public, and allow the world to dance upon his glistening guts