The Art of Stuffing Soft Things

One thing they never taught me in school (along with how to perform the masturbatory technique known as “The sleeping beauty” or how to decide where in the cinema to sit) was how to get a fucking quilt back inside the quilt cover.

Now that I live with a girl, I am forced (sorry – “encouraged”) to wash and change my quilt cover every few weeks. This is all well and good, but the hard part is squeezing the little bugger back inside again.

sleeping_twins.jpg
Figure 1: Barely relevant, but a great picture nonetheless (by Odd Nerdrum)

It seems that everybody I know has a different technique for this. The most popular in Sweden seems to be the inside-out technique. This is where you flip the quilt cover inside-out, hold everything by the corners in a mystical fashion and pull the quilt inside while inverting the cover. A diligent practitioner can get it to work in less than a minute, but I just end up in a messy knot every time.

I have developed my own technique, know as the ”primary corner insertion and shake”. For this manoeuvre I arrange the quilt cover on a flat surface, the right way around and with the entry hole facing me. I then take the quilt by one corner and thread it through the entry hole to its correct position, pulling it just slightly through the little guide hole. Then I fix the other “top” corner, take a good grip on the two completed corners and shake the crap into it. Then I place it flat again and complete the two bottom corners. And we’re done!

It’s not the most beautiful technique to look at, but it does the job for me. And while we’re on the subject, let me point out that in Sweden the word for pillow is “Kudde” but the word for pillow cover is “Örngott”, which has no connection whatsoever with pillows, and is impossible for beginners in Swedish to remember. And just try wandering around the world’s largest Ikea asking for “the bag you put the pillow in” and see how far that gets you.

/ paddy

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7 thoughts on “The Art of Stuffing Soft Things

  1. Here’s what you do.

    1. Stick your hands through the little corner holes, into the duvet cover and out of the large hole.

    2. Grab the corners of the duvet.

    3. Shake, baby, shake.

    4. Ask Significant Other to pull the cover down the last bit.

  2. “I have developed my own technique, know as the ”primary corner insertion and shake”. For this manoeuvre I arrange the quilt cover on a flat surface, the right way around and with the entry hole facing me. I then take the quilt by one corner”

    Ok, it was at about this point I reached orgasm …

  3. Ha, I got the same technique as you do! But in addition I go stand on my bed and shake it. How’s that for uncharming (and not to mention unhygienic, oh well, I perhaps change my quiltcase every 3 months anyway).

  4. Suzan: Nice to see I am not alone. But a duvet is like hair, you see – after a few months, it starts to clean itself. And that’s got nothing to do with why I could never keep a girlfriend…

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