The Kluft of Doom

Right, there’s this lady in Sweden, see. Her name’s Carolina Klüft. She’s a normal lady in many ways, except she is particularly good at running, jumping and throwing stuff. And for this reason, we have to read about her every damned day in the newspapers.

This is good in one way as it gives me a chance to recycle my “Klüft, the Queen of Darkness” photo, where Ms. Klüft is caught on camera while throwing a Curse of Suppurating Agony at a nearby reporter, who I’m sure thoroughly deserved it.

evil_kluft.jpg
Figure 1: The eye, the eye!

Now I never understood why it is so amazing when a sports person becomes good at their particular silly game. It’s all they do, isn’t it? Day after day, training, running, eating well, massage and so on. Why, for just doing their job, are they suddenly fucking heroes? Somebody has to win the stupid game, don’t they?

So I am sick of hearing about the expolits of Ms. Klüft. For fuck’s sake, can’t the newspapers entertain us with stories of animals stuck in (and subsequently rescued from) pipes, or glaciers slipping into the sea, or large mammals becoming extinct. If I see one more sports “story” served up as “news” I may just have to puke.

Although I’m sure Countess Klüft has a few evil spells up her sleeve that will help me to accomplish that in a spectacularly grizzly manner…

/ paddy

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9 thoughts on “The Kluft of Doom

  1. Jamen! Hon är ju bra på allt! “Alla” andra idrottsmän är bara bra på just en grej, det här är SÅ mycket större.
    Dessutom är hon snäll mot konkurrenter, hundar, barn osv, men jäklar vad mycket snyggare hon var när hon visade upp sin mörka sida… kanske dags för en ny Klüft-era… he he.
    Blev upprörd när en man på TV i morse sa att hon “kanske snart kan jämföras med Stenmark och Borg”. Nä, nä. De ligger redan i lä. Jag hejar på Klüft. My kinda girl!

  2. Numera gillar jag Carolina. Lite svårare var det när hon som 19 åring skuttade runt med ett fånigt leende och påstod att hon “bara var ett litet barn”, då blev jag kräkfärdig. Nu impar hon emellertid rejält, snacka om att ta sig samman när det gäller.
    Dessutom finns det bara en sport som intresserar mig och det är friidrotten. Befriande skönt att se som omväxling till alla karlar som ränner runt och jagar en läderkula :)

  3. Ben: Yes. Yes they are. Every single one of them.

    Blackout: I actually like track and field more than team sports. But it still doesn’t matter. At all. It’s just not that important.

  4. Who’s to say she’s not just a robot pretending to be a woman? Ever watched Battlestar Gallactica? Scary stuff, man. Gotta be on your toes for those sneaky robots. And as we all already know, Julie Andrews, Hillary Clinton and Cher are also robots. In fact, Cher even sings like a robot… um, like hello??? Robots are everywhere. Beware, people of earth.

  5. Glen: Oh I love BSG…I’m a big SF nerd. And it makes perfect sense about Hillary Clinton. In fact I bet all the democratic candidates are artificial.

  6. “Now I never understood why it is so amazing when a sports person becomes good at their particular silly game. It’s all they do, isn’t it? Day after day, training, running, eating well, massage and so on. Why, for just doing their job, are they suddenly fucking heroes? Somebody has to win the stupid game, don’t they?”

    YES! THANK YOU! Man, if we’re ever on the same landmass, I’m buying you a Guinness.

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