Right, there’s this lady in Sweden, see. Her name’s Carolina Klüft. She’s a normal lady in many ways, except she is particularly good at running, jumping and throwing stuff. And for this reason, we have to read about her every damned day in the newspapers.
This is good in one way as it gives me a chance to recycle my “Klüft, the Queen of Darkness” photo, where Ms. Klüft is caught on camera while throwing a Curse of Suppurating Agony at a nearby reporter, who I’m sure thoroughly deserved it.
Now I never understood why it is so amazing when a sports person becomes good at their particular silly game. It’s all they do, isn’t it? Day after day, training, running, eating well, massage and so on. Why, for just doing their job, are they suddenly fucking heroes? Somebody has to win the stupid game, don’t they?
So I am sick of hearing about the expolits of Ms. Klüft. For fuck’s sake, can’t the newspapers entertain us with stories of animals stuck in (and subsequently rescued from) pipes, or glaciers slipping into the sea, or large mammals becoming extinct. If I see one more sports “story” served up as “news” I may just have to puke.
Although I’m sure Countess Klüft has a few evil spells up her sleeve that will help me to accomplish that in a spectacularly grizzly manner…