Holy flapping shit. How hard can it be to get some loving around here, hmmm? I’m fresh, smart and funny and I’m not entirely unattractive (Hint: I would appreciate some comments on this point, along the lines of: “Oh come on Paddy, you’re gorgeous!”). So how hard can it be to find a girl who is wonderful and interesting, who I find attractive, who gives me that certain “zing” and is not opposed to playing with my willy and spending her life with me? Well?
As you people may notice, the “being single” rush has started to wear off. Last week the world was shiny and newborn, twinkling with possibility. Today it seems heavy, grey and a bit empty. I miss my ex, even though we should probably not be together. I miss feeling there is one person who I can always count on, who will never let me down (and who will also snog me when required). Yes, I’m better off apart from her – we didn’t have much in common, and all the rest of it, so why don’t I FEEL better off?
I suppose this feeling will fade – I have been single before, for lots and lots of years, and I survived (not to mention wrote a novel or two). But I wonder why my luck is so bad? 2 long-term relationships in my whole life- that’s 20 years of possible dating time and I have been single for 12 of them.
Have I been cursed by a witch doctor without my knowledge and prior consent? Am I strange in some vital way? Do I smell funny? Do I scare people? I don’t know what it is, but there must be something wrong.
People tell me how fun it is to be single – “Oh think of all the sex you get”. Well I don’t want lots of sex with people I don’t know, and anyway I never get very much. I’m not terribly good at chatting up girls at 2:30 in the morning with 4 beers and a Lynchberg Lemonade sloshing about inside me. And how exactly is the love machine supposed to function under these conditions? And why all this effort for sex I will barely remember?
There is probably some way to get over this. Time heals all wounds, blah blah blah. But this is the 21st fucking century, man! I’m not waiting around for “time”. I want solutions, I want answers, I want happiness – and I want them right now!
/ paddy (alone in a very big bed)