Army Guy Number 1

I heard a great story today, which I will now relate to you all.


This story comes from a guy who works in the Swedish defence forces (formerly known as “The Military”). A colleague of his was on night watch at some facility, manning the telephones. A call came through from a man, who said, breathlessly: “I know how they are doing it.”

The Army guy politely said, “Ah…do you now?”

And weird dude continued: “Yes, I know how they are coming, how the aliens will invade. They are coming through”–lowers voice to a scratchy whisper–“The Fifth Dimension!”

Army guy pauses, gives a little chuckle and says, “Yes, of course they are! Good night now.” And he puts the phone down. He allows himself a grin and an amused headshake, before a thought strikes him and his smile fades slowly away.

In every single movie where aliens, Russians or monsters invade, there is always an Army guy who is warned just before the horrible event, usually in the first 10 minutes. He invariably chuckles and brushes the whole thing off, only to have his brains sucked out by something with a long and shiny proboscis as soon as he stands up to go to the fridge or the coffee machine.

And he had just become that guy. He is now “Army guy number 1” in the credits, and drama absolutely demands that he be the first to go, and in the most grisly manner imaginable.

I can imagine him sitting there, struggling with the urge to call the guy back, ring his superiors or crawl under the desk until morning, just waiting for the first of the tentacles to wriggle under the door.

And who would have known that the Military has a sense of humour?

/ paddy


4 thoughts on “Army Guy Number 1

  1. If he then turns on the radio and REM are playing ‘It’s the end of the world as we know it,’ well, then he really knows he’s had it …

  2. I experienced something once which I’m reminded of when I read this. I was out walking at 2 AM on my way home from a party, when on a dark lonely street I walk towards a guy that looks really creepy. Before I realise what I’m doing I think “That’s a guy I wouldn’t want to meet alone in a dark street at night!”

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