Dating Made Difficult

quagmire.jpgAs you may know, I have a great love for the personal ads in the local newspapers. I find it fascinating to find, among harmless requests for love and friendship, ads requesting the company of old men with beards for some shady cock-based entertainment in the afternoons.

While it’s interesting at all that this form of partner-seeking still exists, given the ease of Internet dating, what’s more interesting are the distinct types of odd people that appear there.

The more interesting of these is the shotgun ad-placer. This strange individual (always a man) sends in several ads to the same newspaper at the same time, all of them slightly different.

Now I’m not sure why they do this: to increase their chances of having one ad published, possibly; or maybe to cast as wide a net as possible. But it’s captivating to trawl through the ads and try to locate the ones penned by the same desperate dude in his ongoing search for love and illicit shagging.

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This weeks paper was particularly good pickings. As you can see above (I have pasted the ads together here) we have 4 ads which were obviously written by the same guy. And here’s what they say:

1) “I’m looking for a younger woman for friendship and eventual relationship. I am a blond, thin, well-trained, calm, nice and very youthful 40-year old guy. Have no kids.”

2) “I’m looking for a child-free woman who is younger than me. I am a youthful 40-year old guy. I am blonde, rather thin, well-trained, single and honest.”

3) “I am a blond, thin, well-trained, very youthful 40-year old guy. I like sport and keeping active. Have no kids. Looking for a child-free woman.”

4) “I’m looking for a girl/woman, younger/older, your age is not important. I am a blond, thin, well-trained, very youthful 40-year old guy.”

Interesting – suddenly the woman’s age is irrelevant, although in the first 2 ads he specifies that she has to be younger. Do we still believe this guy is as “honest”as he claims?

And now it gets nastier. The next ad (yes, there is another one) announces: “I am looking for a girl for cosy meetings. I am a blond and thin single guy. Very youthful, 40 years. I’m not looking in the first place for a relationship.”

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Cosy meetings, in Internet dating parlance, means casual shagging in the afternoon, usually when somebody else is out of the house at work. So this specimen wants a relationship, a friendship and casual shagging with women who are both younger and older than him. And let’s not forget that he is nice, as well as honest. A real catch, this one.

ad5.jpgFinally, another ad pops up right at the end, which could very well be from the same dude. If it is him, he is showing his true colours at last because the ad says the following: “Man of 40 wants to meet a couple for nice meetings with the woman in the middle. It’s fine with an older couple.”

And that is where my imagination runs out. Thankfully.

/ paddy

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11 thoughts on “Dating Made Difficult

  1. Alex: I have an online dating ad on a well-known Swedish dating site. And – note to all single Swedish female readers – my username is paddy_k. But to you, Alex dear, I will send a link but by more private channels.

    Martin: It was a cold day in the city…

  2. Can’t people talk to people anymore? What’s wrong with meeting somebody through friends, at a bar, in a restaurant, in the woods, at an s&m rubber fetish party, at the ymca showers… Y’know somewhere more social and person-to-person. So many people seem to want to forego the talking and skip straight to the marriage/shagging/tupperware party or whatever sick goals you have. As far as I’m aware, I’ve never known anybody to meet somebody mentionable through a newspaper ad, cuz the only way you can understand somebody’s psychosis is by meeting them in person. A good shopper inspects the goods before you buy. That’s why grocery shopping on the internet doesn’t work too well either. How can you know whether you’re getting a bruised melon or not? And anybody ever seen Single White Female?? Eeek!

  3. Glen: I don’t get paper ads either. On the Internet however, the rule is to meet the person as soon as possible. I’ve had girls who wanted to meet me after 45 minutes of chatting. And they are right – you get a good feeling about a person very fast, and then it’s just to check that they aren’t hideously ugly. And Bob’s your uncle (or your girlfriend).

  4. Alex: Hey girls, pay attention! “A Catch”, that’s what the lady said! I should print up some t-shirts. “I’m a real catch!” And my friends can have one that say: “I’m the ugly friend.” Any takers?

  5. That´s why I don´t practise online dating; to avoid those guys who want to check that I am hideously ugly. Meeting in person means they can take two steps backwards from the beginning without a word – that´s less embarrassing for both.

  6. Yes, ladies, I highly recommend Paddy. I give him a stamp of approval. He’s a nice bloke and he has that lovely accent. Date him!

    If you’re nice. If you’re a big girl-jerk I may have to hunt you down. I have a protective streak for nice guys.

  7. Alex: You would make a great public relations officer. When I strike it big, I’ll give you a call! And I’m not that nice. I’m quite dangerous…oooh, yes I am…

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