As you may know, I have a great love for the personal ads in the local newspapers. I find it fascinating to find, among harmless requests for love and friendship, ads requesting the company of old men with beards for some shady cock-based entertainment in the afternoons.
While it’s interesting at all that this form of partner-seeking still exists, given the ease of Internet dating, what’s more interesting are the distinct types of odd people that appear there.
The more interesting of these is the shotgun ad-placer. This strange individual (always a man) sends in several ads to the same newspaper at the same time, all of them slightly different.
Now I’m not sure why they do this: to increase their chances of having one ad published, possibly; or maybe to cast as wide a net as possible. But it’s captivating to trawl through the ads and try to locate the ones penned by the same desperate dude in his ongoing search for love and illicit shagging.
This weeks paper was particularly good pickings. As you can see above (I have pasted the ads together here) we have 4 ads which were obviously written by the same guy. And here’s what they say:
1) “I’m looking for a younger woman for friendship and eventual relationship. I am a blond, thin, well-trained, calm, nice and very youthful 40-year old guy. Have no kids.”
2) “I’m looking for a child-free woman who is younger than me. I am a youthful 40-year old guy. I am blonde, rather thin, well-trained, single and honest.”
3) “I am a blond, thin, well-trained, very youthful 40-year old guy. I like sport and keeping active. Have no kids. Looking for a child-free woman.”
4) “I’m looking for a girl/woman, younger/older, your age is not important. I am a blond, thin, well-trained, very youthful 40-year old guy.”
Interesting – suddenly the woman’s age is irrelevant, although in the first 2 ads he specifies that she has to be younger. Do we still believe this guy is as “honest”as he claims?
And now it gets nastier. The next ad (yes, there is another one) announces: “I am looking for a girl for cosy meetings. I am a blond and thin single guy. Very youthful, 40 years. I’m not looking in the first place for a relationship.”
Cosy meetings, in Internet dating parlance, means casual shagging in the afternoon, usually when somebody else is out of the house at work. So this specimen wants a relationship, a friendship and casual shagging with women who are both younger and older than him. And let’s not forget that he is nice, as well as honest. A real catch, this one.
Finally, another ad pops up right at the end, which could very well be from the same dude. If it is him, he is showing his true colours at last because the ad says the following: “Man of 40 wants to meet a couple for nice meetings with the woman in the middle. It’s fine with an older couple.”
And that is where my imagination runs out. Thankfully.