Ah bugger and crap, I’ve gone and done it again.
Today I opened a letter from the local library. Yes, I know there is no post on Sundays but I generally save up my boring mail so that I can open it when nothing else in particular is happening. It adds a little spice to life.
So anyway, this letter informed me that I had borrowed a DVD in June and had neglected to return it. A quick search of H8’s room showed this to be the case; the movie was sitting right there, covered in dust and crumbs, in plain sight.
The nice people at Bagarmossen Library would now like me to pay them the sum of 6 (six) hundred Swedish crowns (about 55 Euro) for this slip of memory. 600 fucking crowns?!? Are they insane? The stupid thing would cost 120 to buy in the shops! And anyway it was rubbish!
And couldn’t they send me a few preliminary letters with a few gentle hints before just sending out the one that says: “Pay up or else we send around the big men with the hammers.” You know, a few subtle reminders, a few nudges and winks? And these people even have my e-mail address – isn’t it about time they started using it?
This happens to me all the time. All-the-time. When I was seven I had the library staff search all the shelves looking for a book I was sure I had returned. It took hours, and they didn’t find it. Not surprising really, because it was under my bed and my mother found it after 5 minutes of searching.
So that’s it for the public library system for me. And now all I have to do is be as fucking charming as possible and try and convince the lady at the library that I am actually a sweet and honest fellow and it was all a big mistake, and let’s forget the whole thing, and wouldn’t it be better spending the 600 crowns on taking her out to dinner instead?
Although I will make it clear that while I do kiss on the first date, there will be no shagging. Unless she asks nicely.