Jesus Pancake Christ

I just love it to bits, I really do. Who needs funny material when the religious idiots of the world are just pumping it out for free?


Yes ladies and gentlemen, it’s the Jesus and Mary Pancake! As you can read in this article, the fabulously eloquent Marilyn Smith found this convincing (snigger) image of the holy couple in her breakfast. To let the good lady herself explain it in her own words :

“I saw what looked like, possibly, what people may imagine Jesus would look like, or Moses.”

Indeed. Or possibly Chuck Norris holding a candy floss. Or a pair of unemployed ninjas.

Normally I would say that, yes, the human brain is predisposed to recognising faces and human forms in random patterns, but on this occasion no amount of squinting brings out the supposed sacred visage of the bearded one.

In fact a little image juggling has given me a different interpretation:


As we can see in Image 1, on the left, the pattern clearly depicts Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, fleeing the Bolivian army.

And now, rotated 90 degrees, Image 2 is quite obviously the Millennium Falcon on its way to murder thousands of innocent Death Star welders, plumbers and graphic designers.

qbert.pngAnd finally the clincher: image 3 can be nothing other than the master of retro video-gaming, the one, the only, the totally incomprehensible… Q*bert! Yes the retro gamers of the world are at this moment scrabbling to purchase this rare edible image to add to their swelling and rather pointless collections.

If you have any biscuits or items of clothing that look like a holy person, you too can CASH IN and make BIG BUCKS by slapping the piece of crap up on eBay and getting some confused individual to shell out big bucks for it.

Come to think of it, I have a semen stain on my pillow that looks rather like Moses delivering oral pleasure to Herod. Let me just grab my camera and I’ll get right back to you…

/ Paddy


24 thoughts on “Jesus Pancake Christ

  1. That so looks like The Millennium Falcon. It’s clearly a sign that the second coming of Star Wars was rubbish. Or something.

    These are not the pancakes you’re looking for.

  2. That last paragraph there is just great! I laughed out loud.

    When I was a little girl, I used to see faces in the horrible pattern on the curtains in our lounge. Scared me to death they did. Can’t ever remember Christ revealing himself to me though. I musn’t have been holy enough.

  3. James: I have a piece of toast that looks like a lightsabre.

    earthpal: Heh heh..Christ revealing himself…kinky…

    Martin R; Blackout; ullis: High five!

  4. ‘This is a spiritual, unusual and unique pancake that we believe to be holy and depicts what looks to be Jesus and Mary.’

    ‘My brother said it looks more like Moses and Elijah.’

    It amazes me how these people can be so specific about which two biblical figures are depicted. If it had been my pancake I wouldn’t even have recognised the human forms, let alone attempting to pinpoint their identities. I mean… it’s not like they have clearly distinguishable faces.

    I saw a report on some other delusional cretin that claimed that her wooden door depicted Jesus. All I could see in the photographs was some fairly typical wood veneer in a symmetrical pattern.

    Clearly I am not close enough to god or whatever for him to reveal himself to me in these ways.

  5. Mmm, Jesus sure looks tasty! I’ll have a holy communion of pancakes, please! Nothing like the body of Christ early in the morning to start the day off right. And I like to drench my blasphemy in a yummy helping of maple syrup.

  6. Paddy, you crack me the hell up!

    earthpal: All I can say about that article is that I’m glad the couple weren’t American. Us Yanks have embarrassed ourselves enough, you know?

    • sapphire: Welcome, new reader! Yes we should all document our breakfasts, for current and future deities, because you never know!

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