The Best Christmas Ever

So this year I’m doing what I have always wanted to try at Christmas: I will be completely by myself.

It all happened like this, children, so gather round and pay attention as Uncle Paddy relates the story of “The Rather Sad and Pathetic Christmas.”


Now it happened one December that my kid was going away with his mother until January. And it happened that I will not be going home to Ireland, even though I could. And it also happened that I no longer have a live-in partner, nor even a cat to call my own.

Which leads to one conclusion: Christmas is off!

I’m not really sure how to handle this yet. Perhaps I will show up at some friend’s house, like the loser uncle with the moustache back in the 70s who made his only appearance on December 25th, presenting as a gift a bottle of whiskey which he ended up drinking himself.

Or perhaps I will be a charity helper and hand out whatever it is that is handed out to homeless people at shelters these days.

scrooge.jpgOr perhaps I will just stay inside the flat, peering through a crack in the blinds and watching all the happy families going about their ruddy-faced fun while I stand there in my underwear, sipping from a bottle of cheap gin and occasionally scratching myself.

One thing I will possibly do, which I have always wanted to try, is to go the famous Stockholm beer-hall Kvarnen where they have a Christmas Eve drinking session of mythic proportions.

I may even go to work for a few days, since I have an exciting impulse trip booked in January, for which I will need to save up some holidays.

I will also get some presents for myself and place them under the tree. And if I buy them and wrap them while really dunk I won’t even remember what they are, so it will be like a surprise!

But seriously people, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. And you can easily pull Christmas crackers by yourself by simply jamming one end in a door. And you always, always get the toy.

/ Paddy (Fishing for sympathy..? Who, me?)


16 thoughts on “The Best Christmas Ever

  1. Take comfort in the fact that most families are probably fighting, resenting each other and sulking about their crap, badly-chosen presents. Most are probably wishing they could dump the rest and have some peaceful time alone.

  2. I will also spend most of Christmas om my own Paddy (apart from the 25th) as my husband has to work both day and night on Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. Our son will probably be in France. My daughter and my eldest son (from my first marriage) will spend Christmas in their own homes. Do I mind? Not really as I look forward to being able to watch whatever I want on tv and have all the sweets to myself. :)

  3. Oh, lucky you! It´s wonderful and relaxing to spend xmas alone, I´ve done it now and then through the years and I´ll certainly do it this year.
    Think, only the favorite food and loads of film/books, it can not be better.
    If you necessarily want to torment yourself put on the TV at three o´clock in the afternoon and watch the duck and his friends. Merry Christmas from me to you :-)

  4. Ps: No, I am not single but my better half is a family man and enjoy spending xmas eve with parents and brothers. For me that´s too much talk about uninteresting things, too much food, too much polite familyness, too much ducks :-)

  5. I’m also spendng christmas alone…not out of choice!.. Im writing my freaking thesis!…then again…I can imitate that Uncle and just buy a bottle of whisky, up to some party and chugg the bottle!

  6. I’m spending christmas quietly with my sister and my mom, without seeing my dad for the first year since their divorce. I try not to think about it. 25th is wasted day, and then I’m gonna spend two days with two screaming mad kids and their tired parents. Theeen I’m going home to get a little less wasted, and then all of a sudden it’s january and I’m flunking my thismuchcanwoodhandleandyouhavetofuckingcalculatetheshit-test. Yeah, something like that.

  7. Everybody: Grumble, tired, too many deadlines, sick, but thanks for comments. I see being alone at xmas is not as pathetic as I had feared, so that’s good.

  8. Suit yourself. There’s nothing like a little quiet time on Christmas with your best friend, the booze bottle. Booze doesn’t talk back. Like Charlotteotter explains, those families are out there ripping each other’s limbs off to get to the last Malibu Stacy doll in the store. Heathens, all of them! Christmas was meant to be a quiet holy time of drinking, as Christ would have wanted. It’s all about the private emotional catharsis (with optional physical catharsis in the toilet bowl) to bring in the new year right!

  9. Oh no Paddy! I spent New Year´s Eve alone last year. I had several options but none I felt happy with. I sat at home until half past eleven and tried to figure out where to go, because I KNEW I would feel lonely if I stayed at home. But I just didn´t fancy any of the options and settled for being alone anyway. And yes, I did feel lonely. But actually, it was only one year and it was a new experience.

    I would love to invite you to my place besause we don´t celebrate too traditionally. But we never even met…

    / Stina

  10. Stina: It builds character, or so I’m told. I look forward to visiting people without a good reason. I’ll be bringing biscuits.

    And if you happen to be holding a new-years party, and need some guys to show up, hey, I have no problem hanging out with people I haven’t met. And I’ll bring some friends. Tall single ones. One them them can even juggle. ;-)

  11. Have a blog Christmas Paddy. Invite some blogger-buddies who will also be alone and connect with them . . . eat, drink and pass out on your keyboards together.

    A quiet Christmas sounds idyllic in comparison to all the stresses we manage to build up but seriously, it’s easy for us to say that. If we had the choice, most of us would choose to be with family/loved ones.

    So Paddy, there’s room in my stable for you. ;-)

  12. BENDER!!
    No, seriously mate, I know what it’s like to end up regretting something. The thing about christmas is, you take away the sentiment and history and what have you got left? THE GOOD STUFF!!!
    But seriously mate, I’ve been all over and you seem like a decent person. Are you a bloke or a bird? HOPEFULLY A BIRD!!

  13. Paddy,

    I’ve been in this situation a few times here, usually I just hung around at home, ignored xmas and a nice long chat with the bottle. Xmas/new year here (Brazil) basically goes from the middle of Dec to middle of Jan. Long time.

    This year, gonna do something different, in a few days I’m off to Mata Alantica here (kinda like the amazon forest but not as dangerous), do some volunteer work, take time out, chill, contemplate my navel, try to get the bod in shape.

    Been wanting to do something like this for a long time, but never got it together. You have something like that? Something that you wanted to do but never really could get around to it.

    Anyway, whatever you do, have a good one and thanks for your entertaining and interesting posts over the last year.

    Nollaig maith (or should that be mhaith)


  14. earthpal: Yes, no planning, no stress. Just coffee.

    029: Kvarnen estimate: 60%.

    Fundament 666: Yes I am a bird. And you’re hot.

    Diarmuid: I considered walking in a rainforest too, but there were so many problems with that plan that I dropped it almost immediately. And don’t ask me how to be spelling Irish. I can’t even say my name any more.

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