Happy Blogday

I published my first blog article almost exactly 2 years ago, on December 27 2005. The whole thing was basically a New Year’s Resolution, and an excuse not to study. Luckily I discovered a talent for regular bitching, and here I am 2 years later. I’ve had my ups and my downs, published 280 articles of varying quality and stumbled upon a very fine bunch of people I would never otherwise have known about.

cake.jpgSo thanks to all of you, and I’m very pleased to have made your acquaintance. And in honour of the day that’s in it (and in the interests of laziness) I have decided to reprint my first ever article.

Back in the day, this article received a readership of around 5. These days my blog gets 300-400 hits per day, so I seem to be doing something right. Probably the swearing. Or all the penis stuff.

So anyway, here it is – slightly remastered but still true to the spirit of the original (And yes, point number 1 is indeed something I talk about often. Like last week, for example. Oh well, if you can’t steal from yourself, then who CAN you steal from?)

Top 5 things about Christmas in Sweden (remastered)

5. The food. A hundred different kinds of cheese. How much cheese do you possibly need? When people had very little to eat – you know, back in the fifties – then eating a lot at once was a rare and special thing. But now we can stuff our faces whenever we feel like it, so why is eating until we topple over so interesting? If you ask me, everybody should celebrate Christmas with a refreshing walk in the hills, eating dry biscuits and drinking snow melt. That’s the way to toughen up the kids!

4. The presents. Important, this one: everybody sits in a circle and painstakingly opens the gifts, one by one. On no account may a person begin opening until the whole crowd is holding one present each. Then the opening may begin, and everybody is expected to nod in appreciation as every single bees-wax candle and copy of The Da-Vinci Code and Enya CD is revealed. Please, poison me now.

3. The weather – Well the weather, at least, is good. Dark and cold and possibly snowy. Very cosy and atmospheric, until you have to step out into it, tipsy from the glögg and chocolate liqueurs. Not bad–three points out of five on the weather. Keep it up.

2. The snaps-songs. At dinner everybody drinks small glasses of foul-tasting snaps, accompanied by cute little songs to make everybody feel less guilty about getting pissed. Oh look, we’re only drinking because we are social and like singing so much. Yeah, right.

1. The bloody cartoon. At 15:00 Sweden comes to a standstill while everybody turns on the TV and watches a Disney Christmas special from the middle ages. The odd thing is – it is ALWAYS THE SAME! Every year, since the dawn of time, the SAME bloody cartoon. And at the end there is a five-minute slot where Disney show ads for upcoming movies – and EVERYBODY WATCHES THIS TOO!

The result – one hour of free advertising for Disney to the whole Swedish population. And I wonder how much the TV channel gets paid for this? A million dollars? At the very least. How nice to have a tradition that the TV company can cash in on. However do not mention this to a Swede or you risk having your glögg poured into your underwear and your Enya CD smashed over your head.

/ paddy

9 thoughts on “Happy Blogday

  1. Happy blog-day to you, Herr Paddy. Hope your Christmas was ok. How weird is that Disney-watching thing? It’s up there with the German obsession with Dinner for One, which I find intolerably irritating and unfunny.

  2. Here in Canada we get tipsy from beer, the glögg is just for warming up after spending time out in the cold mostly.

    Does it count if you buy it in a bottle at Ikea?

  3. Happy blogday, Paddy!

    I assume “snaps” is the Swedish equivalent of “schnapps”?

    I’m half Swedish, so I enjoy your take on life in Sweden. My mother’s maiden name is Thorngren, and sometimes I wish I could have assumed that name! It just sounds so earthy and aboriginal…

    I’m approaching my third blog anniversary; I’ve had a bit of a lull in posting recently, but sometimes you have to let the mental batteries recharge!

  4. Martin: Tack you.

    charlotteotter: What is Dinner For one?

    Ben: No, it doesn’t. You must painstakingly make it yourself over 3 months.

    Larry: Indeed it is. Watch out for those terrible threes!

  5. It´s always nice to read your blog, a few minutes in your sphere with piercing veracity mixed with big laughs is very refreshing.
    And again I agree, this Holy Duck Holiday means too much of everything.

  6. “These days my blog gets 300-400 hits per day, so I seem to be doing something right. Probably the swearing. Or all the penis stuff.”

    Yes, it’s the penis stuff. You know it, I know it, Tom the creepy high school janitor knows it. Why beat around the bush? Pardon the pun.

  7. Blackout: Thanks!

    Glen Gordon: Yes, the words “penis” or “bush” really pump the ratings, I can tell you.

    Alex: Glögg is a sort of mulled wine. Very good. Gets you drunk too.

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