My Thing

Has it really been a week since my last posting? My, how time flies when you’re not blog-writing. Anyway, today’s topic: my thing.

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Now before you all break down into fits of uncontrolled sniggering, let me just explain that my thing is my superpower, that special and slightly useless ability that sets me aside from the unwashed masses.

My principal thing is the power to always know the correct time. Without having looked at a clock in hours, I can make an estimate of the time which is always correct to within 15 minutes, and is usually correct to 5.

My minor thing is the ability to turn off my blinking reflex. This makes me unbeatable in staring contests and slightly unnerving to hang out with.

H8’s thing is that he can roll his stomach muscles, an extremely disturbing thing to witness. And the delightful A. appears to have an uncanny ability to always pick the best thing on the menu.

There are also people who seem to know their way around without using a map, a compass and a GPS receiver, and who can uncannily find their way back to a place having been there only once. These people scare me as I myself have a severe locational handicap.

And so, at the risk of being obvious, I kindly ask you all to tell me about your things. And please try and keep the conversation in the comments going for a good few days so I can continue to be lazy and avoid posting for another week or so. Not that I don’t care for you all dearly but, you know, spring and all that…

/ paddy

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12 thoughts on “My Thing

  1. Oh this is a good one. Funny that I’ve never thought of it that way – a superpower – but I knew what you meant as soon as I read it and I know what mine is. Friends even comment on it at times. I’m not sure what to call it, though. Maybe I can use EM Forster’s motto: only connect. I do this social connect-the-dots or six-degrees-of-separation or whatever that thing is. When I meet someone, anyone, they can be perfect strangers, someone on a train, it doesn’t matter where or when or how, in the first five or ten minutes of chat I can make an instant and meaningful connection – by family, personal history, education, work experience, likes and dislikes, whatever. If there’s someone else with me I can usually connect them to the stranger too and if there isn’t a connection involving me, I can at least connect the others. This, of course, makes me an ideal guest for dinner parties and the kind of social functions where you have to stand around like a lemon with people you don’t know e.g exhibitions, book launches and the like. Now that you’ve brought this to my attention, I’m wondering if there’s some way I could use my power for good and maybe even make some money out of it …

  2. Yes, you got me. Indeed *I* am one of those people with a freaky ability to geonavigate. If I’m anywhere **just once**, no matter what sort of street-winding screw-up of a foreign city it is, I will remember for-EV-verrrr how I got there. Not only that, but I can draw you out the floorplan of my house and all houses two doors away in the neighbourhood that I lived in when I was 3 years old. So I guess if someone kidnaps me and blindfolds me, I still might be able to sense where I am with my tongue. I’m not sure. I should test that theory out one day ;)

  3. I have the power to make the stock market crash at will by the simple action of buying shares. Think of what might happen if I were to use this power for Evil!

  4. I can switch off my blinking reflex. You won’t beat me in a staring competition, believe me. I think I’m the bee’s knees. I have a shit sense of direction though.

  5. One of my things is The Fucking Ileostomy, at the moment my too strong abdominal muscles press that damned bowel stump back into the body and I insist on go downhill skiing in Austria before the docs cut me in pieces.
    And I don´t use the clock either, don´t need to, like you my primitive neanderthalensis-sense guide me through the 24 hour cycle.

  6. OR Melling: You could probably be a professional mingler. Or possibly a psychic.

    Glen: That’s just weird. Very weird.

    csrster: Hmmm, I’ll remember that and get back to you one day…

    Ziad Hammodi: Bees don’t have knees, they have mortgages.

    Blackout: I’m trying to think of an everyday use for your power and, you know, I just can’t. Skiing is nice though.

  7. Haha, csrster’s made me laugh.

    I think my superpower is insta-knowing if I like someone or not. Hardly ever goes wrong. The times I try to go against it usually backfires and lets me regret spending time trying to like someone. If that really counts a super power I don’t know. I’ll get back to you if I figure something else out.

  8. Ooh, can I play? My thing is an overactive tendency to identify physical resemblances between people, for example, if someone looks just like a famous person. The resemblance then becomes obvious to others after I point it out. Of course this means I often say hi to complete strangers who a)think I’m nuts b) think I’m hitting on them. I also have a very accurate (read overactive) gaydar. Together, they can do a lot of damage. MUAHAHAHAHA

  9. Ullis: Hmmm…maybe you just DECIDE when you meet them if you will like them or not. Self-fulfilling prophecy, perhaps?

    Alina: A useful combination of powers. You will be known as “Xtrapolata”. Welcome on board!

  10. If you interrupt me when I’m working, I can look deep into your unblinking eyes, hold a conversation with you, and continue touch typing accurately at 60 words per minute at the same time. It usually spooks the hell out of people long before I’ve run out of what I wanted to type. A deeply satisfying superpower to have. But I long to be able to raise one eyebrow. Oh how I long to be able to do that. And the geolocation thing – now that’s a super-superpower. Not merely cool, but actually useful!

    Good post.

    Aphra.

  11. Aphra Behn: Now that’s the kind of power I want – the ability to freak people out. Nice! And some sticky tape will give you the one eyebrow effect. Try it!

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