Naked Swedish Nude Sweden

Hah! Let’s see how much traffic THIS one will get me from Google! Will it surpass the 28,042 hits I have so far amassed from pervoids surfing for penis measuring? Or the 19,572 I have gotten from Mucha fans?

And, let’s face it, what my readers want is not finely reasoned rhetoric, but insinuation and smutty humor and lots of it. So let’s get to work!

Fig 1: Aaaagh! Put it away!

There is quite a bit of nudity in this country. When I first came here, I was wandering through a park and was slightly taken aback (and a-front) by girls sunbathing topless.

You don’t really see that anymore (and anyway, I don’t look, ahem…) but in 1997 it was not uncommon. I don’t know what happened – some kind of small ice-age maybe – but now the only place to see topless ladies is in the yearly Gay Pride march (oddly enough).

But the last few weeks have seen more than one nudity scare in the Swedish media. For example:

Naked soldiers playing with their weapons

Naked guest houses (and in English)

Naked holidays (see photo above)

Now I know that nudists claim to not be sexual. “We just like feeling the wind on our skin,” they say. “God made us this way, so what’s wrong with it?”

Crap. It IS sexual. You know it, I know it, Mrs. Burke down the shop knows it, as does Jörgen the accountant from Dusseldorf and his flabby pasty-skinned wife, lying on the beach like a pair of albino whales.

There IS a sexual thing about hanging round naked. The thrill of being stared at, at being not stared at, at feeling your bits dangle. It IS sexual, and don’t you dare tell me anything else.

And, on top of that, it’s ugly. The human body is not attractive enough to have on display all the time. That’s why we made clothes – to keep the thing under wraps. The body of a lover is a thing to be adored, but if we had to look at it every day – at breakfast, in the car, at the queue at the post office – then it would start to lose its appeal.

Some things are meant to be kept secret, and private parts are definitely some of those things. That’s why we have imaginations.

/ paddy

30 thoughts on “Naked Swedish Nude Sweden

  1. Now what do *you* have to hide… :)

    Sorry Paddy, but I don’t agree with you. Clothes were created to shield us from thorny bushes, gnats, dangerous animals and cold, excruciating cold. Not to mention that clothes correctly used shield you from heat in the desert, too. Nudity taboos and fashion trends came into existence at a much much later date.

    Most of those out there sunning themselves topless are not nudists. They are just enjoying sunning themselves and they don’t have any hangups about it. Remember, nudity is in the eye of the beholder. So now, what’s your hangup, Paddy? :)

    And don’t forget ethics – the right to equality for women and men. Men have a right to sunbathe topless, so why should we forbid women the same right? This is an important political question in Sweden right now. See for instance:

    Paddy, it’s summer! Those of us who didn’t freeze to death this winter either are very happy to go out in the sunshine before it’s too late. Relax and forget about your hangups. The beach is there for you too. Remember, I’ve seen you. I’m sure that under all of those clothes you’re not one of those flabby pasty-skinned albino whales. I on the other hand… ;)

    It’s summer only once a year in Sweden.


  2. Rolf: OK, you have some points. I will allow topless people, and occasionally nude people in a beach/summer environment. That can’t be avoided. But I will NOT tolerate them in art galleries! Or walking around the streets with sneakers on. That’s just sick!

  3. I’m with Paddy on this one. Nudity is only OK if it’s birds with big knockers. But, and here’s the funny thing, bigger does not always mean better. Sometimes if they’re too droopy they can look kinda weird. But in general, big=good.
    Keep up the good work Paddy and i like your new dirty direction.

  4. Nudity + sneakers/socks/those awful velcro tourist slipperthingies is always a huge “MY EYES!!” and I really think people invented clothing to replace the fur that covered everything when we realised that constant nudity is boring. It really is boring. And just the need of walking around with a towel to sit on, everywhere you sit down nude, screams “ew, wear something, ffs!”

    Clothing, here I come!

  5. Nudity itself isn’t sexual, it’s the taboo of nudity that makes it sexual. When ladies were covered chin to toe, the mere glimpse of an unclothed ankle could send a gentleman wild with desire. These days we are used to seeing much more skin but there are still those “private parts” that we get to see so infrequently that when we do, we cannot help but get excited and attach a sexual meaning to the experience.

    Don’t get me wrong – I don’t want so see naked people walking around town any more than you do. I personally think that people look so much better with clothes on, and that inlcudes women. Then again, I’m asexual.

  6. Alexander: Thanks, I’ll keep it up. Heh heh.

    Ullis: Clothing rules.

    Mr Glancetts: What I mean it that the nudists are getting a sexual kick out of it and then calling us prudes if we don’t like it. And everything looks better with clothes on. Especially macintoshes.

  7. Why are those people, who are wandering around on completely smooth polished floors, wearing SHOES? It’s a completely bizzare tokenism to wear shoes. It says “I didn’t forget to get dressed – I chose not to”. If anything else proves its about showing off rather than then its that. These are people so cut off from their own sensations that they don’t miss the feeling of the ground under their feet.

    When I was working in Stockholm early in 2001 there were two ads in the underground. One was advertising an art show with a painting of a baccanalian scene with a grossly unpleasant middle aged man with a most peculiar pointy pecker, (you probably remember it), the other was Claudia Schiffer naked. I was always surprised that the pecker didn’t perk up when the ads for Claudia were posted. Maybe he was gay.

    Aphra. Naked from the ankles down.

  8. Well, I grew up with naked parents living artist-academic-decadence life; they drank wine and fucked each other like rabbits, shifting partners with a happy smile on their face, it was the sixties and upbringin was free…way too free.
    As a child of that time I prefer clothes.

  9. paddyK: “I don’t know what happened – some kind of small ice-age maybe – but now the only place to see topless ladies is in the yearly Gay Pride march (oddly enough).”

    We just know how to have a good time. Repression sucks. Off with the clothes! Mmm, the breeze feels nice.

  10. My particular beef on this one is so-called Druids (usually English) who dance naked at the Solstice with their running shoes on. You’re right, Aphra, there’s something very wrong and very telling about that.

  11. Come on, don’t be such sissy pranks!
    Let ppl be naked if they so desire – whatever the motive.
    Agreeing with Rolf that nudity is in the eye (and MIND) of the beholder.

  12. ARgh, the video is no longer available on youtube – apparently even youtube is censored by ppl afraid of nudity. The video was in no way whatsoever pornographic but it was packed with naked people. I’m gonna do a blog about this because it’s so outrageous that things at the net are censored when they have no associations w porn – we are not doing any better than China censoring the internet in such a manner.

  13. christina: I actually had a look at it before it was removed. It was very tasteful. But those people were also cute – not like the majority of nudists. You seeing my point here…?

    And a slap on the wrist to youTube for pulling it!

  14. “Nude or Prude” is on now. Just click on my name and you’ll get to it. Sorry for spamming your blog with so many comments…
    BTW your posts are extremely humorously written, thanks for a good laugh.

  15. And, on top of that, it’s ugly. The human body is not attractive enough to have on display all the time. That’s why we made clothes – to keep the thing under wraps.

    What does attractiveness have to do with it? Some people are unattractive even with very nice clothes on – by this logic, they should be required to stay out of public view completely (or wear a burka??). As far as I am concerned, if person A does not like looking at person B’s state of dress or undress, person A should simply stop looking.

  16. Theo Bromine: Oh come on now, basic etiquette demands that you do not expose people to things that make most of them uncomfortable. As while I enjoy a good naked body as much as the next person (and probably more) I do not wish to bump into them all the time in everyday life. It’s distracting as well as slightly troubling. The naked body HAS a sexual dimension, however much nudists try and insist that it doesn’t.

    Wear as much or as little as you like, by all means. But please keep your bits to yourself, I am not interested in seeing them just because you want to show them to me.

  17. Paddy: Let me be very clear – I personally have little if any desire to show my body parts to anyone other than those with whom I have a close relationship – I rarely even wear a swimsuit, or shorts and/or sleeveless shirts. Nonetheless, I still wish to defend the right of others to be exactly as undressed as they choose.

    I find the etiquette argument to be very troubling, What if someone were to complain that gay couples, or couples of visibly different ethnicity, should not hold hands in public, because it makes them (the complainer) uncomfortable? (Note that I am also not personally troubled by this behaviour.)

    • Haha, what a wonderfully outlandish splat of a comment in between all the deadly serious views for and against nudity!

  18. I don’t think I will ever understand people’s problem with nudity. I can understand not wishing to be seen naked but the issues with seeing other people naked just seem to be down to personal opinion not whether something is morally right or wrong.

    Personally I find iPhone adverts offensive but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t be allowed.

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