The Church of Assorted Nutters

So what’s the deal with Scientology? Why does every single famous person turn out to be a member, and a  melt-brain moron of the highest degree?

First it’s Tom Cruise. Well, I never liked that scary little turd anyway, so no tears were shed when he came out as a brainless nugget warbling on about Thetans and Xenu and so forth.

Then its Chef from South Park, and that was a pity. But it was very cool of South Park to rip the complete piss out of those losers by making an episode showing up their “beliefs”. And I’m sorry for Isaac dying and all, but I doubt he’s gone to a better place.

John Travolta I am sad about. He is a quirky and occasionally excellent actor. And he flies his own plane, which is always a plus. But his brain is obviously damaged, so please accept my pity, Mr. Travolta.

And now it’s Nancy Cartwright, the voice of Bart Simpsomn. She has been a “follower” for a while, apparently, but now has started to promote the “church” by using the voice of Bart for her own seedy purposes. Fox are of course less than pleased about this as Bart is their property, and not hers. So expect a heavy legal battering any day now, you squeaky-voiced bint.

We all shake our heads in confusion when we hear about the “beliefs” of Scientology, a religion created by a Science Fiction writer who expressed an interest in making up his own religion to win a bet, where the whole thing is, surprisingly enough, pure Science Fiction, and bad Science Fiction at that.


Bur many of the people who complain about how bizarre and disturbing Sceintology is seem to have no problem with the idea of eating the transmutated flesh and drinking the warm blood of a demi-god who died 2000 years ago. And neither is it strange to them that this ritual cannibalism will bring them to a parallel universe after their death where they will enjoy eternal happiness.

To my mind, this is just as bizarre and troubling a set of beliefs. And at least Scientology does not have huge state backing all over the world, billions of dollars worth of property and the ear of many of our most powerful and scary leaders.

Because when it comes down to it, they’re all just illogical and simplistic stories peddled by unscrupulous dicks who like using their own power to influence the lives of others and make a shit-load of money. So stop sniggering at other “beliefs” while proclaiming your own equally stupid ones to be so much better; because you’re all, when it comes down to it, disturbed, out of touch with reality and rightly fucked up in the head.

Here’s to Xenu. And Mohammed. And Jehovah. And all their invisible friends.

/ paddy

22 thoughts on “The Church of Assorted Nutters

  1. Yep – Felicia hit the nail on the head! Let everyone have their own system of beliefs as long as they don’t go to war over it, kill others because of it or try to ram it down people’s throats. Live and let live – with mutual respect…

  2. Tom: Does politely work? Must try that next time.

    Felicia: The difference being, of course, that I am willing to change my mind if better information becomes available.

    ladyFi: Actually I’m not even sure I agree with that. For example, bringing children up with religious fear and guilt is probably child abuse. A Catholic child will not be able to have a normal carefree childhood, because they have to worry about going to hell. It’s bizarre that it is not recognised as a problem.

  3. LadyFi, I think you missed my point. I was making fun of the people who’d claim that atheism requires just as much faith as theism does. Because really, it doesn’t. It’s a belief, true – or rather the lack of a particular belief – and it can’t be proven (because no one can prove a negative), but I’d say the evidence is rather clearly in favour of there being no gods at all. No faith, suspension of disbelief or compartmentalisation required.

    Also, I don’t think we need to respect each other’s beliefs. Respect each other’s RIGHTS to believe whatever the hell we want, sure. But I’m never going to “respect” someone’s belief in an invisible sky-daddy, nor am I going to “tolerate” them infringing on other people’s rights (such as denying a child freedom of religion) in the name of that sky-daddy. In short, I think “tolerance” and “respect” are vastly overrated terms.

    That said, sure. So long as a theist doesn’t try to force their theism down my throat, I honestly don’t really care. I still think they’re wrong and that they’d probably be better off discarding that superfluous supernatural baggage, but I know I can’t ever actually convince anyone to deconvert – they can only do that themselves.

  4. Everybody needs to operate in a certain context otherwise the life loses its meaning. And when it does you go for simply answers and very firm structures. Ex crimes and drug addicts need a huge replacement or something very strong and convincing to battle the anxciety, no light beliefs.
    Its starting to be scary when people has a urge to extend that context with others in order to stay calm and remain harmony. The only Swedish Guantanamo convict Medhi Gezali was crap in school and a crap thief, the last solution was Allah, so he ofcourse became very religious but got kicked out from school in Medina (or where it was)and became radical and went to the mountains of Afghanistan. Then the American forces found him…. (ha cant still say what he did there…)

    Mr Cruise is a sympthome of another phenomena-power. Seldom people on the top are the true belivers but the organizers. But they belive they are übermensch super people that can lead others for sure. Travolta was more looked for a meening, his career was totally ruined the whole from 83-93 and he got so much attention and then nothing.

    If we have an idea we can all make money and power!!! So don´t be yellous at people that are shorter than you, Paddy!

  5. Juliette Lewis and Beck are the sadest members, Katie Holmes is just young and sad. The youtube-video, what??????????????So much mumbo jumboo, i didn´t unerstand what it was about, just crap, no meaning, like i would have been interviewed 3 am outside a night club in Stockholm on the way home, the topic:meaning of life or something. So doopy!!!

  6. The thing with Scientology and actors is that Scientology pretty much deifies, or at least sanctifies, successful people. So if you’re a rich, famous, good-looking person, you’re not just going to get spiritual fulfillment, but actual WORSHIP if you join the Scientologists. Combine this extreme stroking of the ego with many artists being a bit weird from the beginning and you have a recipe for success.

  7. H: I know – Let’s clear out the guys from Guantanamo and fill it with religious leaders instead. Mr. Cruise can work in the laundry room, folding underwear. The pope can scrub the floors.

    Felicia: Why not worship movie stars? They can have Hello! as their bible.

    Christina: Brilliantly AND with perfect grammar!

  8. I guess this isn’t the right time to mention that I just spent two weeks in a Franciscan Friary and even got up for 7:30 a.m. Mass and … um … loved every minute of it.

  9. OR Melling: Actually I really like old religious communities and the concept of meditation, calm, and all that. I love churches too, since its about the only place you get proper silence nowadays. I even plan to do the Santiago de Compostela one day. It’s just the whole god/jesus/hell/eternal life part I have trouble with.

  10. Once my little sister was a scientologist, brainwashed and all. And with a total lack of money since the courses were expensive but necessary if she wanted to reach the right levels. And what she wanted to climb!
    They also search after a deep hidden UFO, sent by mr. Hubbard himself!
    Finally her eyes opened, several eyes actually, and there was a manifestation against scientology at the city square. Books burning etc etc.

    Scientology is Science Fiction.
    Nothing else.

  11. Oh good, Paddy, (or should I say, Oh god, Paddy) I’m glad you don’t throw it all out. As I always say to my atheist friends, you’ll just be oppressed by people and structures who don’t throw in art, music, literature, architecture, pilgrimages, bells and whistles etc. Look at the Soviet Union or Red China or … Sweden. What could be bleaker? And, Santiago is on my bucket list too! Maybe we’ll cross paths?

  12. OR Melling: The thing is that Red China and the USSR were not enlightened, humanistic states that stamped out religion because it was illogical: they stamped out religion because they saw it as a threat and wanted to replace it with their own religion and set of beliefs. One idealogical dictatorship is not better than another. And once people have been trained to accept one set of beliefs uncritically, then they can be more easily convinced of another. THAT’S the danger of religion – it blocks your mind to many other obvious sources of bullshit.

    And I have no problem with religion existing as a sort of humorous and cute sideshow – it’s only when religion starts to put its foot in the door of real life and insist that its morals must be accepted by all that I start to have a problem with it. And this always happens, sooner or later, no matter how many pretty churches you have.

  13. “Enlightened humanistic states.” Hmm. You really are an idealist; though “stamped out religion because it was illogical” doesn’t sound very democratic. What about the people who like religion? Who choose to believe? Any kind of ‘stamping out’ is contradictory to ‘enlightening’ and ‘humanising.’ Have you ever seen the pyramid of belief published in Scientific American, a study showing percentages of belief in the scientific establishment? It showed how science selects for disbelief. At the bottom rung and the lowest jobs were believers, while the huge middle part of the pyramid were non-believers. But here’s the fascinating thing. Guess what the topmost part of the pyramid showed? Yup. BELIEVERS. The mega brains – like Einstein and all the major quantum physicists and their ilk – are believers (and let’s not forget Pythagoras and all those guys.) Truth is: non-believing is a middle-management uncreative mediocre viewpoint. It doesn’t leave room for the extraordinary.

  14. OR Melling: That’s true, people should have the right to believe whatever they want, regardless of what I say, unless they try and force it on their children or other people around them, or insist that democratic institutions bow down to their ideology. Just like what happened in Ireland for centuries. But I do not agree with how the USSR stamped put religion – as I say, I think it is a human right to believe whatever you want, as long as you do not see it as a “right” to force any other person to believe it.

    I think the US is interesting in the respect of believers/non-believers as it seems to be a social stigma to admit to being an atheist. Maybe I am wrong, but that’s what I pick up from the media. And getting a top job in science in the US might actually depend on you being a “believer”, or claiming to be, since it is school boards and taxpayers that put you there.

    But actually Einstein was NOT a believer – this is an urban myth. His correspondence shows this. And just because quantum physicists use the word “God” far too often to sell their books, it does not mean they are believers either.

    And let me add that I know many very nice religious people. But I suspect that they are just nice people at heart, and would still be nice people even if they stopped “believing”.

  15. You forgot to list cosmology with the other religions. It’s theology with numbers. Science requires repeatable results and cosmology gives us things like “an infinite number of parallel universes we’ll never be able to know about”.

    That’s as good as all of the academics who got paid loads of money for junkets to a fancy get-together so they could decide that Pluto was no longer called a “planet”. Now it’s called something else and the academics had a fine vacation. It’s no better than a world religious conference where everyone agrees to continue to disagree about what name to give the peacemaker.

  16. Except that when new planets are discovered (and they are all the time) we now have better guidelines on what to call them. Whereas god is still imaginary, and try as we might we will never be able to send a probe to him to photograph his great pimply arse.

  17. Was just looking up some pictures for a media class I’m taking (you had a cow picture that I liked heh.) when I came across this.

    I live over in the US but I’ve got a similar philosophy for life, I don’t believe but I don’t rule anything out absolutely. I’d like to believe that if there was a inter-galactic father figure out there, he’d be judging you on how you lived your life rather than believing in him.

    I’d have to say religion’s always somewhat taboo over here (at least around where I live, we’ve got decently diverse demographics of people and the beliefs they bring.), which works for me as saying you’re an athiest or just don’t care typically gets me some wierd or negative reactions.

    Anywho, seeing as I’m stealing your cow picture, I felt I should atleast comment on such an awesomely witty post. Good to see this isn’t just some ghost blog I stumbled upon, your still replying a year later!

    Have a good one :3

    • Passinby: Good to hear from a happy customer!

      You can safely drop the agnostic thing – do you accept the possibility that there might be invisible bears in your fridge? Even though there is no evidence at all? Then why accept the possibility that there is a god when there is absolutely no evidence? It’s the same argument. Just because a lot of people believe in it doesn’t make the probability greater that they are right. Join us and take the step to atheism!

      Anyway now I’m giving a speech, so I’ll stop. And it’s not my cow picture so I’m happy for you to take it!

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