Toilets are simple. You arrive, deposit some body substance or other, and you leave. But modern society is trying its damnedest to make this as difficult as possible
First we have the cut-up doors. Why do we need public toilets with a foot of clearance under the door? In case we faint and have to be dragged out? For air circulation? Or because we may get up to something unsavoury in there?
Then there is the flush. Again, a simple function, made complicated by the addition of revolving seat-washers, infra-red auto flush sensors and disposable paper seat covers for the OCD among us. Whatever happened to a chain and a tank of water?
After the flush we have the hand-washing. What used to be as simple as turning a tap has now become a jolly dance of finger-wiggling, hand-waving and deft swearing in order to get the fucking water to come out. I honestly don’t see why. Surely a mechanical tap that turns off after 10 seconds would suffice and save us all from an early stroke?
And finally there is the dryer. It doesn’t have a button any more. It could not detect a break-dancing elephant standing in front of it And it reduces towel waste. Hurrah for the end of towel waste.
I want a return to the days of toilet innocence, when you could go for a quiet dump without people assuming that you were about to shoot up, indulge in gay sex, leave the water running or toss towels around with wild abandon.
Somebody, somewhere is making money from having turned our public toilets into places of stress and annoyance, and I would really like to know who that is. So I can send them a turd in the mail. With a pretty pink ribbon on it.
And people – don’t forget the 3rd Strange Shores expats blog carnival on Sunday! Get your funny stories to me, post-haste! It’s your chance to be a part of history. Really, it is.