Find Jebus

17 Mar

So the lord our jebus has decided that his popularity is sliding and he needs a little exposure. So, as is his way, he has put in a cameo on a random piece of furniture, this time a seat cushion.

jesusfacecushionWhen jebus makes an appearance on a dog’s arse, it is of course seem as insulting and “disrespectful” to publicise it. However, spotting his slightly crushed face on a cushion that normally supports church-goers fat arses is of course in the highest taste and a sure sign of a miracle.

There is of course no connection with the fact that this particular sad little island where the church is located is in dire need of tourists, even unbelievably dumb ones.

But maybe I should stop here. Of course it’s all too easy to take the piss out of Christians. They are simply lining up begging to have fun poked at them, what with their ritual cannibalism, space gods, magical sperm transportation and parallel universes of infinite joy.

The trouble of course is not these everyday imbeciles, but the ones who get into positions of power and influence, which they then try to use it to twist the world to their little fairy stories and barking mad “morals”. These are the ones to watch, and not the common-or-garden jebus finders.

And just to get things clear, here is how it works folks – if you have a billion fanatics world-wide all on the lookout for patterns suggesting a man’s bearded face, then is it a surprise that occasionally one of them finds one? Even a jebus that looks like somebody sat on his face, which they probably did?

Well that’s me for today. And if you suspect that I am posting less often these days, that’s because I am. Things to do, people to see, and 360 entries and still not a book deal. What gives?

Note: Pop on over to LadyFi for Strange Shores number something or other. It’s tasty stuff.

/ paddy


Posted by on March 17, 2009 in Religion


8 responses to “Find Jebus

  1. ladyfi

    March 18, 2009 at 11:41 am

    Saw that article yesterday!! And now you’ve taken the blog fodder out of my mouth…. and you still haven’t sent your readers over to the blog carnival….Too busy trying to get book contracts, huh?

  2. ladyfi

    March 18, 2009 at 12:21 pm

    Aaaahhh.. that’s better! Thanks!

  3. christina

    March 20, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    LOVE this description you made: “what with their ritual cannibalism, space gods, magical sperm transportation and parallel universes of infinite joy.”
    It cannot be said more precisely.

  4. Glen Gordon

    March 26, 2009 at 2:09 am

    Religious cynicism is comforting like a hot bowl of oatmeal in the morning.

  5. Sean Mulroy

    March 26, 2009 at 4:19 pm

    Personally I find the wee bit of human sacrifice / crucifiction very heart warming and reassuring. God loves us!!!

  6. Glen Gordon

    March 27, 2009 at 12:43 am

    If you love that, you’ll love a father’s loving sacrifice of his son’s life in the Old Testament. Seriously, a show of hands: Who thinks Abraham was suffering from schizophrenic voices in his head? Dunno, just a little creepy? Perhaps? Lol.

  7. Larry Ayers

    April 8, 2009 at 4:05 pm

    Christina plucked the quivering heart from your rant and held it up for all to see!

    Does that statement make me a Mayan apologist?

  8. paddyK

    April 12, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    Larry: Thanks. Can I be a Mayan apologist too?


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