Photographs of Girls

So three things are guaranteed in this world:

1) You will always make too much popcorn.

2) You will always make too few mashed potatoes.

3) If you show a female a photograph of her that you have taken, she will throw up her hands and exclaim: “Oh God, it’s HIDEOUS, get rid of it!”

pet-photographI have never once shown a photograph of a female to that same female and had her nod and say: “You know, I look rather nice in that one.”

Men tend to shrug and mutter: “Yes, it’s fine” when shown a photo, while probably thinking about something else entirely.

But women? No sir – every photo is a disaster, an asteroid impact, a melting glacier, and needs to be simply removed from the universe.

Usually I shy away from sweeping statements about males/females, but this one is pretty indisputable.

And now I shall sit back and wait for you all to dispute it…

/ paddy

29 thoughts on “Photographs of Girls

  1. I totally do it. Totally. I tried photographing my new haircut today, it ended with me having to send off a picture message to a friend with the text “I’m looking friggin hideous, but I’m too lazy to take new ones”. I guess that’s about the same thing.

    Oh, and I’m a girl.

  2. Wynn: That’s not at all the same thing, and you know it. Well, OK, it’s similar. But what it is that females don’t like in their photographs? The hair? The shadows? The broken dreams? WHAT?

  3. Haha I usually just give a poker-faced grunt when I see photos of myself. The last time I said “omg that’s hideous” a friend slapped my *right boob because she thought I was fishing for compliments.

    Long time no see by the way.

    *She’s not a very good aimer.

  4. Yes – unless you’re a gorgeous supermodel and your photo has been Photoshopped – this is probably true.

    It makes me sad though because it just proves the warped values that society places on women to look good/slim/young… Men just don’t have those values foisted on them from a young age by society and the media.

    Having said that, I always look good, so I must be the exception that proves the rule… ;-)

    • ladyfi: It is true – we don’t have this pressure on us. Men on magazine covers can have any expression they want, but women on magazine covers have only 2 modes – sexy or pregmant. Have a look next time, it’s scary and true.

      And yes, you are indeed the exception!

  5. Paddy! Paddy Paddy! Lot’s of things in your blog is really great, and a blogger has to take it over the top and gerneralize. But some stuff upset me about this blog and “how to understand women”. I’m might be a guy myself, and maybe a swedish pussy one in addition and I understand what you are coming from. But I wonder why your tone is so bitter? Well women might be easy to stereotype, maybe they are more concern how to be perfect in everwhere and photo is just one thing. But a man that decribes women in “how to understand women” sounds like one of those bitter and lonley pubdrinker to me, the tone is bitter not warm. The photo is brilliant though, that is funny and pretty much speaks for itself.

    • The sign-former known as: You realise that if you say my name 3 times, then something magical will happen..?

      To be honest, I don’t either like the “Understand Women” article. I happily admit that – I WAS a bit bitter when I wrote it, and back then I didn’t actually understand women (which I do now perfectly, of course). But I don’t like to censor myself too much either, so its still there. And all the hits from google makes it a popular article and push it onto my “top articles” list. Plus I get lots of questions from teenagers asking me for women advice, who missed the irony completely.

      So I agree with you. Or maybe I’m only doing what you tell me, so I can blame you later…

  6. That is a wonderful photo. What a sweet little person! It’s the kind of photo that makes us all want to say “Come into my arms!”.

    Anyway, women are different. I remember one young lady I saw a few years ago. She was very beautiful, but made up with cosmetics (very nicely done, too), but with the feeling that you were looking at a very beautiful shop window dummy. Another woman I knew some years ago was a very ordinary-looking girl, a bit dumpy too. But she had this very something in her vibes that made you realize that “I can’t help it, but I just want to hug her!”.

    Btw: What happens to your original postings when you repost them like this? I seem to remember from your first repostings that they vanished from their original place. Makes for a lot of rotting links, I would guess.


    • Rolf: Yes it is a cute dog, and nothing at all to do with the article. But I must point out that this is not a republished article, but a brand spanking new one. Or maybe I’m starting to repeat myself. Or maybe I’m starting to repeat myself.

  7. A new visitor to your blog. I only saw the photo of the dog. Did I miss something? As I get older, I become less critical of myself, and actually prefer my own photos now. Young women are more critical, I think.

  8. Well, I always look like a turd in photos too. Okay not always, but many photos are terrible. They catch my unflattering features and plasters it all over MyFace. Maybe girls just like to pretend that because we don’t see our bad features very often (by choice) no one else will.

    • Wynn: I blame the media. Actually I blame the media for most things, but here I REALLY blame them! Making women insecure to sell their shitty magazines. They should all be whipped!

  9. Naturally we can all be of contrary opinion. But I’m glad you know better nowdays. It’s never good to be bitter. But the opposite sex both attract and confuse. My wife is from Argentina and she laughed at “how to understand women” and me as a Swedish man felt that I had to defend women. many latino men make stereotypes of women but the women do as well, and maybe that is the magic. We don’t have to understand everything and eachoter and we can make stereotypes like we also do about Finish people and saunas etc. But the tone was bitter and not funny.

    • The sign: Well maybe the free-living, grasp-the-day Argentinians may be right in this case, and maybe the repressed, socialistic, conflict-scared Swedes can learn a thing or two from them!

      You might need to realise that what you see as “bitter” could in fact be another form of irony too complex and subtle for the careful and nervous Swedes, who would never think of poking fun at a group, sex or idea in case somebody is “hurt” or “kränkt”.

      And, come on now, a Swedish man seriously defending the rights of women in a silly, meaningless blog article which is meant to raise a laugh? Let’s say it everybody – WIMP! ;-)

  10. Ha, ha, yeah I guess I am, but I said I was a pussy. I just didn’t see the the irony only bitterness. There are girls and there are fullblod women, the last ones can stand everything, but maybe you havn’t meet those. There are wimpy women too and they are the ones as you described. (Wimpy, wasn’t that a hamburgerchain in U.K by the way) But we are not the same so making fun of eachoter is just great! More irony.

    • The sign-former known as: Ah yes, the fullblood women. Like those old soviet field-workers with big arm muscles. Now THEY wouldn’t be all: “take it away, I look simply AWFUL with that sickle!”

      Yeah Wimpy was a hamburger chain – still is I think. Not many men go there though…

  11. I love photographs of myself in which I look great: see new blog profile pic taken by one of my seven sisters. So does my daughter. we both hate photographs in which we look hideous and we delete or destroy. Unless they are funny. As far as I can tell from my daughter’s crowd, young males under 25 are at least as vain as their female counterparts but you’re right – less bothered by photographs and post hideous ones on their myface thingies. (No, I don’t lurk. Finn makes me look at the funny ones. Honestly, I’m not lying, no really.) Agree on the popcorn though I always polish it off, no matter much I make. It’s addictive. Do you try to eat the half-popped kernels? I do. Usually too much mashed potato, though.

    • OR Melling: Strange I can’t get my browser to show your pic. And yeah, young men might be just as bad.

      I DO eat the kernels, despite the protests from my teeth! And unused mashed potato makes great hash browns the next day!

  12. No, fullblood-women are the ones with humour and self-distance, they know they are more than a look or know that they are good-looking. Often donfident women after 25 who care about anti-age-cream but has girlpower without relate that to safty-pins and “women-can-reclaim-shit” nor “i have to be a buch” nor short-short and high heels it’s my only expression. My wife is a fullblood woman, she is beautiful, smart, successful and has great humour, is very feminine but egocentric in a very charming men. Those Soviet women are pobably not women in a biological way.

    • The sign-former known as: Your wife sounds like a great woman, I’ll have to meet her some time! I thought women like that only existed in imagination, but I guess I was wrong.

  13. Is that your own face in the photo? You look like the guy in the 1984 movie … which was way before your time so you might not get the reference. Omigod, speaking of time. I’ve got to go to bed. Up to chapter 27 of new book. How’s yours coming along? (And don’t be cross because I don’t have time to read your stuff. I read your blog, don’t I?)

    • OR Melling: Yip that’s me, put through a very moody photoshop filter. The books go fine, although right now I’m polishing a clutch of short stories for release into the world. After that it’s full focus on book.

      And no, I’m not cross – asking people to read my stuff is just an excuse not to work on it myself!

  14. If men would be more concern about their looks, I’m sure the conflicts in the world would be based on other issues than oil and land. Maybe less war even, if the men don’t want to break their nails nor lose an arm….

    • H: Welcome back! Oh I don’t know about that – the Spartans and the Celts took a great interest in their appearance. The Spartans spent hours fixing their hair before battle, and the Celts carefully applied their blue body-paint. And they still had lots of energy over for slaughtering, raping and pillaging.

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