Today I climbed on my trusty bike and braved the traffic to work. And I happened to come across almost all of the distinct idiot species present on Stockholm roads.
Idiot 1: Tough bike guy! This creature, always male, has spent a fortune on his pink cycling shorts, his orange glasses and his stupid-looking bike. This therefore gives him the right to disregard rules, signs and other road-users because he is, of course, far too busy listening to his DickPod to notice us.
Today’s example of Tough Bike Guy overtook another bike on a narrow bike lane, forcing a woman coming from the opposite direction to practically scrape up against the wall. I bet this guy is a real laugh to work with.
Idiotic 2: Moron Taxi Guy. Taxis actually should not be allowed in traffic at all, and here’s why: all other road users are watching out for danger, while these guys are usually looking out for possible customers waiting on the pavements.
Today’s taxi driver made a sudden and unannounced swing to the right, in front of me and 4 other cyclists, causing one of them to bang up against the car. And here’s the odd part – the bike rider just kept on going. Maybe he was in shock.
And so I, never one to pass up the chance to swear in public, took it upon myself to berate the driver, by thumping hard on his window and shouting: “What the fuck do you think you’re doing, you fucking tit?” Moron Taxi Guy gave a sheepish shrug – like, oops, heh heh, silly me – and then ignored me. May his license wither and drop off.
Idiot 3: The pedestrian wandering out into the bike lane, cut off from the dangerous environment with a big pair of headphones and making a quick and unexpected change of direction when they discover where they are.
Idiot 4: The stupid cyclist, without a helmet, actually talking on a mobile whilst negotiating busy and possibly lethal traffic. Jeeezus.
Idiot 5: Door-opening dude. Luckily I always leave 2 metres between myself and parked cars, and today this paid off as a guy swung a door out into the street without checking to see who was coming. I was, but luckily I was too far out to get clipped. Who gave these people their licences?
Idiot 6: Double-parked lady. But she had the magical flashing “warning!” lights on so that was fine then, no problem, please continue.
The only of the main idiots I did NOT see today was parking-in-the-bike-lane man. So I missed the complete set. But hey, tomorrow is another happy city cycling day.