The French Excel Holiday

This is too good to waste. A friend of mine has her French cousin visiting for a few days. Nice, you would think. But then she gets presented in the mail with the cousin’s plans for the holiday.

Now this is not the usual “See a museum or two, drink some coffee, walk in a park, do something intellectual that requires contemplative frowning” that I come up with before a holiday. No sir, the French visitor has made a detailed plan, after consulting on-line sources and tourist guides. And this plan is detailed down to the level of deciding which bicycle stands he will pick up his free bike from, and when.  And it includes such vital info as “have lunch”.

And he’s made it in Excel!!!

Oh this is great … fantastic … wait, let me pull myself together … Excel … oh god … deep breath …

french travel plan

So yes, he has a detailed Excel sheet showing exactly where he will go and what he he will be up to. For example, September 18 contains no less than 33 precisely planned movements, starting at 7 in the morning and continuing, no doubt, until midnight.

Note that there is no leeway whatsoever for accident, bad weather or spontaneity.

So good luck to the French visitor and I hope he gets to see every square cm of Stockholm in his frenetic 3 days, although he won’t remember or enjoy any of it.

Oh I just wish he had made a Power Point presentation out of it, then I would stop laughing–oh, let’s see–never.

/ paddy

18-sep Gamla Stan / Skeppsbron prendre 2 vélos à la station 34 (Skeppsbrokajen)
18-sep Södermalm ballader sur Stadsgardsleden en prenant la piste cyclable Varmdostraket
18-sep Södermalm déposer les 2 vélos à la station 70 (Folkungagatan/ Londonviadukten)
18-sep Södermalm aller à Fafangan (plus beau des panorama sur la Ville)
18-sep Södermalm prendre 2 vélos à la station 70 (Folkungagatan / Londonviadukten)
18-sep Södermalm prendre la piste Folkungagatan sur la voie du même nom
18-sep Södermalm déposer les 2 vélos à la station 20 (Folkungag. 134 / Stigbergsparken)
18-sep Södermalm se restaurer à la patisserie-café BAKVERKET Bondegatan 59
18-sep Södermalm prendre 2 vélos à la station 17 (Renstiernas Gata 18)
18-sep Södermalm continuer sur la piste Folkungagatan sur la voie du même nom
18-sep Södermalm sur Soderleden prendre la piste Nynashamnstt vers le nord
18-sep Södermalm / Slussen déposer les 2 vélos à la station 22 (Södermalmstorg-Slussen)

19 thoughts on “The French Excel Holiday

  1. There is compulsive, as in “I really gotta have that cookie!”, and then there’s compulsive, as in that spreadsheet. Keerist. Is your friend accompanying the cousin or (more likely) sitting quietly watching the to-ing and fro-ing whilst having a nice cold drink on the veranda?

    • I’m not sure, I suspect she is included in the plans too. And verandas? Not much call for them in Sweden, freeze your ass off most of the year!

    • Update! It is actually him and his wife, and this poor women will be dragged around the city by this nutball while she actually just wants to go shopping and sip a glass of wine. I think an intervention is required!

  2. I do like to simplify things whenever I can. Why doesnt she tell her visitors to get some manners and/ or go fuck themselves?!

    • bBubba, my good man, if you assume I’m going to care about being called gay by you, then you’ve got the wrong blog. Because, 1) If I WAS gay, why would I give a shit? And 2) If I was NOT gay, then why would I give a shit? You’re assuming that other people than you consider gay as an insult. And the majority of us don’t.

      Now if you called me a footballer, or maybe an Englishman, THEN I might be insulted.

  3. Who’s this bBubba guy? He’s awesome. Sure, the grammar’s not exactly spot on but the message is clear. And I love it. I wanna hear more.

  4. Someone has officially outdone my parents. They are known for their travel itineraries… I will never forget the day I received a full 10 page spread, magazine style (staples included) with every step of their trip detailed. They had the place, time of arrival, entry cost, parking regulations, etc., all typed out. That particular trip was their masterpiece!

  5. […] No, this is not the point where I admit that this blog is in fact written by a gay girl in Damascus who is only pretending to be a dull forty-something married woman in Scotland. But I have had something on my conscience for a while which I feel I should own up to. You see, when my computer crashed and burned a few months ago, my backup policy was a little patchy and among the many things I hadn’t backed up were my collection of spreadsheets. And once my computer was up and running again I did mean to start them up again, at least to keep track of my gardening expenses and my cycling, and maybe the energy use one as well. I even kept all my receipts and my notes so I could put them together once I had the time. But with every week that passed without them, the less inclined I felt to start again. After all, I knew that my veg garden last year was fairly solidly in profit, and I wasn’t doing any big bike rides that made it worth updating my Eddington number… in fact, in short, I have been spreadsheet free now for over four months, and I don’t even feel a tiny bit twitchy about it either. It would be nice to know how much I’ve cycled this year, I suppose, and how it compared to last year. And there was a small amount of satisfaction to be had in knowing to the penny – and the gram – how much veg I’d harvested in the season. But on the plus side, there’s now absolutely no chance of me ending up like this.* […]

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