Brass Monkeys

11 Jan

It’s cold. It’s bluddy cold, let me add.

That irritating 23 degree slant on the Earth’s axis has led to a very cold and dark time up at the north pole, and freezing winds from that area are now pouring down on us, pushing the mercury to an unlikely minus 20 C over the last week.

Americans: that means “very cold indeed” in your funny F system.

And the same annoying axial slant has led to less sunlight reaching the ground in Stockholm, leading in turn to days that last about 17 minutes and might be missed entirely if one spends too long on the toilet with a good book.

Of course the cold winter is taken by a whole boatload of idiots as proof that global warming is not real.

In fact, as soon as an idiot opens his mouth, these words will invariably tumble from his lips, along with “isn’t football super” and “that pope’s really doing a good job, isn’t he”.

With the same reasoning I could claim that people who believe in the rotation of the Earth are way off the mark since, right now, it happens to be dark outside.

Or that the number of idiots is on the decrease because the room where I now sit does not contain as many idiots as it should.

Anyway, I for one welcome the cold since it makes life in Stockholm interesting, what with the chapped lips, long baths, lethal icicles toppling from rooftops and lots of time indoors watching Buffy.

And more Buffy is good Buffy, I think you will agree.

/ paddy


Posted by on January 11, 2010 in Idiots, Sweden


20 responses to “Brass Monkeys

  1. Wynn

    January 11, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    Oh, I’ve heard that friggin BASTARDLY cold winters = less mosquitos and ticks summertime. So fucking worth it is that’s true. Bundle up now, take a lot more off later!!

    • paddyK

      January 11, 2010 at 2:05 pm

      Hurrah, insect bonus!

  2. Rolf

    January 11, 2010 at 1:55 pm

    “In fact, as soon as an idiot opens his mouth, these words will invariably tumble from his lips[: “global warming is not real”] “isn’t football super” and “that pope’s really doing a good job, isn’t he”.”

    Paddy, Paddy, fallen angel… You realise that you are defending the church here, don’t you?

    The only reason why whe have a disastrous global warming is because the church still is keeping Hell alive. All that fire is warming up the globe something satanic, not to mention the brimstone which raises the warmth kept, and the carbon dioxide which by itself raises the temperature.

    If the church could do away with Hell, we would not have any global warming, and consequently no catastrophal world destruction ahead.

    Paddy, the choice is yours. Global warming or the church. :-)


    • paddyK

      January 11, 2010 at 2:05 pm

      Close down hell for the climate! Yes, a pressure group is needed, I shall have to start one on facebook!

  3. csrster

    January 12, 2010 at 10:06 am

    It’s amazing how few of the people you meet these days can actually remember that two months ago we were having the mildest November on record.

    • paddyK

      January 13, 2010 at 4:42 pm

      November, what’s that?

  4. Bellis

    January 12, 2010 at 12:34 pm

    Well, sitting here in Athens, Greece, in sunny spring weather (around 20 degrees Centigrade) with oranges for the picking in the trees lining my street, I laugh heartily at everybody stuck in Sweden.

    Yes, I am evil.

    All the best,

    • paddyK

      January 13, 2010 at 4:42 pm

      You can shut up now. Thank you.

      • Bellis

        January 14, 2010 at 9:02 am

        By the way, Paddy, did I forget to tell you that there actually is this balmy, mild spring breeze blowing in the evening, forcing us to don our T-shirts while having a few beers at the pavement tavernas until late at night?

        Just thought you’d like to know.

        Drive a hard,

  5. Stuart

    January 12, 2010 at 6:45 pm

    Its +3 pissing rain and howling wind here. Bet it feels colder than -20 in snow and ice. I miss our snow…

    • paddyK

      January 13, 2010 at 4:43 pm

      Please, come and take our snow. A few megatonnes. We’ll even throw in some salt.

  6. Sean Mulroy

    January 13, 2010 at 8:35 pm

    ………. and if evolution is real how come there are still monkeys?

    • Rolf

      January 14, 2010 at 8:41 pm

      Still monkeys? Don’t bother about them. Those are the conservatives. Trust them to stay in the trees while the rest of us fulfil our progressive destiny.

      Monkeys? Hmph. Poor provincial cousins.


    • Bellis

      January 15, 2010 at 3:37 am

      Why wouldn’t there be monkeys? They are obviously well enough adapted to their environment to have survived. Where’s the mystery?

      Drive a hard,

  7. Sean Mulroy

    January 14, 2010 at 10:16 pm

    Theres still monkeys but are there sparkling monkeys?

  8. paddyK

    January 15, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    Where the hell did all the monkey talk come from? What did I miss?

  9. tony meenan

    January 15, 2010 at 2:35 pm

    norbotten is cold u stockholm wuss. I blinked in december once and missed both sun up and down!

  10. Sean Mulroy

    January 15, 2010 at 7:57 pm

    Its one of many sophistimickated creationist arguements against evolution.
    “if evolution is happening why are there still monkeys”
    Oh Yup

    • Felicia

      January 15, 2010 at 10:27 pm

      Aw Sean, clearly these people haven’t been talking to creationists enough. Funny thing is you only need to do that for a couple of months, then you’ve heard every possible argument they ever make. And you never get through to them either. This is why I stopped torturing myself with that stuff.

      Besides, on the off chance that intellectual osmosis is true, I felt there was a danger my brain would wither and die.


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