Happy Cyber Goo

One thing that I really hate with computer keyboards is all the gunk that collects between the keys. Many an hour have I spent poking with pointy plastic things and rolled up paper, trying to prise out that hard crumb or tangle of hair.

I even purchased a USB mini vacuum cleaner, which was possibly the most useless thing ever.

In fact, my decision to buy a MacBook last year was partly based on the fact that the keys had no spaces between them to allow for trapping of debris.

But my work computer has a great big keyboard and a troubling forest of things living inside it. So enter Cyber Clean. This friendly slimy goo is simply pressed hard on the keyboard and squished between the keys.

Then you peel it off in a sticky layer and away with it comes all the crumbs, hair, skin and snot you could ever wish for.

Plus it gives everything a nice lemony scent. Can anything be better than that?

I love Cyber Clean. However, one of the “reviews” I found for it is horriby bad, and done by a complete and utter moron who doesn’t even understand how to use the product (you shove it between the keys, dickless) and instead thinks it is some kind of surface cleaner that removes all of his collected gunk he has smeared there over years of talking shite. This guy is a severe idiot, as you can verify, and fuck knows why he is allowed to review anything when he can barely open the package.

So anyway, go Cyber Clean! The best fucking slime-based cleaning product ever.

(And yes, the company that makes Cyber Clean may indeed send me more, and I will pimp it all over again. I’m kind of cheap that way.)

/ paddy


16 thoughts on “Happy Cyber Goo

  1. That’s all well and good Paddy but there’s nothing quite so satisfying as pulling out crumbs and fluffs of hair bit by bit with a needle while staring at the hypnotic monitor and thinking . . . I must blog something . . .

  2. I usually turn the freakin’ keyboard upside down, give it a good, satisfying smack and – lo and behold! – out between the keys fall all the bread crumbs in a cloud of cigarette ash. (You might wonder about the cigarette ash. So do I. I am constantly under the impression that I flick the ash off in the ashtray, but this is obviously an illusion. I have even found the occasional fag-end stuck between the keys on me keyboard.) Keyboard having been satisfyingly smacked, out comes the vaccum cleaner – not a USB mini version, but a big, hefty thing – and I even go so far as to actually vacuum clean the rest of the floor while I am at it.

    So there, the advantage of not using the goo.

    You get your floors vacuum cleaned.

    All the best,

      • I also have a laptop (doesn’t everybody these days?), but I’ve attached an external keyboard. Seriously, typing on the laptop’s keyboard forces you to hold your hands at the wrong angle and in the long run this will do some serious damage to your wrists.

        I am not kiddin’, here. I learnt how to touch type at the age of nine, on an honest, old fashioned, mechanical typewriter (a wonderful, portable Olympia Traveller de Luxe). My mother, having been a secretary, knew the proper way to hold your hands and everything, and thus taught me. On top of that, I do a lot of writing and translating, since – for some bizarre reason – they actually pay me to do this.

        So, honestly, I know what I’m talkin’ about. Attach a keyboard to your laptop, mate, or in the long run you’ll do your wrists a serious disservice. Trust me on this one.

        All the best,

  3. Nah, I’m old-school. I just blow the gunk out the low-tech way. I close my eyes, make a wish and blow through my keyboard with good ol’-fashioned lung power. I also try not to use my laptop in sandstorms. ;o)

  4. DANG! Your reply to Glen Gordon made me gigagiggle!
    I’ve lost a couple of keys trying to clean out the keyboard in various ways – including high-pressure air hose on a spray can (good idea but NOT effective). None worked though, so might try that cyber goo you recommend there.
    Even considered removing all keys as that would be far more hygienic – and it IS actually possible to type just fine on the little rubberdubs that are sitting under the keys. Obviously you’ll have to memorize the keys or use the 10 finger system for that to work. OR – get a mac…

  5. Y’all should try not using your keyboards as trash cans. Just sayin’. When I eat in front of the computer I make sure all the crumbs fall in my lap instead!

  6. ***
    Paddy, have you noticed your blog is spamming us with old postings (like “ashley added a new comment to the post Michael Jackson RIP.”)? (Via the email notify functionality.) (And I mislaid your email address again…)


      • *inserts both my glass eyes*

        Oh, there! That!!!

        Ah, well, yes. Still, I must confess I find it strange to get *new* postings from yesteryear. Or was it 2007. Postings I actually have a reminiscence of having read the first time they were created. Way back then.

        *positions both index digits*
        *applies pressure*

        *splot – plink*
        *splot – plink*


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s