Phone-selling Fuckwits

People with a pointlessly good memory may recall me complaining about my mobile phone a while back.

Here’s what happened. I decided, since my mobile bill was usually in the range of 700 Swedish crowns per month, to get a fixed price account. I was convinced by the minion in the shop that I should settle for paying 650:- per month, 150 of that going to pay off the amazing sexy slidy phone I was presented with. This 650 would cover everything, I was assured.

But I shortly encountered problem one – the phone proved to be a lump of shit. It had to be sold for a fistful of magic beans and I had to keep paying it off for the remainder of the 18 months. I bought another phone, a Nokia, but could not forget the wayward son who had to be supported in his new life in some thug’s pocket.

Problem two followed soon after. 650, it turned out, was not in any way a “maximum”. Not included were sending texts abroad, calling abroad and internet access. With these things added, my super max price account was costing me about 850:- per month, including the charge for the phone I had already sold.

Every month my mobile operator would call me and ask me if things were going okay. I would angrily explain that, no, they weren’t, and tell them the whole story. They would listen, tell me they couldn’t do a damned thing to help, and go away. And the next month, they would call back and ask the same question again.

The problem was that the account I had was completely unsuited to how I use a mobile. I had 3000 free minutes to talk for in a month. How many did I use? 50. In a month. I did, on the other hand, send about 200 text messages, many of them abroad. Well done Tele2 for actually checking how I used my mobile before locking me into an account.

And at last–at last!–the 18 months of purgatory were up and I fixed a really cheap and efficient account with unlimited SMS and internet access and low call rates. How low, you may ask? Well here are my last 4 bills:

2010-04-05   184,00
2010-03-08   717,00
2010-02-05   1059,00
2010-01-05   759,00

You see it, don’t you? So I have paid, over 18 months, about 18*600 = about 10000 Swedish crowns too much for mobile phone services. So thanks a fucking lot Phone House, you useless cheating cunts.

And another big “fuck you”, as always, to Tele2 Comviq, the undisputed heavyweight bastards of mobile providers. I hope they spent my 10,000 crowns on something nice. Like heroin.

/ paddy

17 thoughts on “Phone-selling Fuckwits

  1. Well, yes. I would presume that employees at Tele2 might be using heroin and similar substances. At least if I’m to judge by their simple inability to realize who is and who is not a customer of theirs.

    Several years ago, some time after Telias’ monopoly was discontinued, I got and accepted a seemingly brilliant offer from Tele2, whereby both my stationary phone and Internet-connection in Sweden would be cheaper than ever.

    Turned out to be true, provided you understood what they meant by cheaper. That is, cheaper as in really cheap as in not working.

    I don’t know exactly how many times I phoned their support in order to get them to fix my Internet-connection (which broke down frequently), but I honestly don’t think I’m exaggerating if I claim I called them some 25 or 30 times. And every time a recorded voice sounding uncannily like a female robot informed me that I had been given such and such place in the phone queue, whereupon I would wait for at least ten minutes but more often half an hour, upon which I would talk to the support guy for at least a further half hour before he had managed to solve my problem. If at all.

    Here’s the catch, though

    On top of all those fucking irritating Internet-problems and all the time I lost, I naturally had to pay for all those phone calls.

    To Tele2, of course.

    I long since gave up on Tele2 and am nowadays back with Telia. A bit more expensive, yes, but the services they provide actually work.

    But don’t get any illusions about Tele2. It’s not like they’re giving in or anything. And here’s where I’m beginning to wonder if the heroin theory might not have some substance (bad pun intended) to it.

    Because they are still sending me bills for the monthly, fixed fee. Even though I have not been a customer of theirs for any number of years (I forget how many – five, maybe. Or six.)

    They doggedly persist, month after month after month after month, and of course I never pay. And, remarkably enough, they never employ the services of a debt collection service. For in their heroin-hazy brains, they are probably vaguely aware that I am not any longer a customer of theirs and thus they can’t legally get a debt collection service to try and squeeze me for money.

    Who knows, maybe they’re just hoping that I will forget that I’m not a customer and suddenly pay up, so that they get a bit more cash to put into the communal heroin account?

    All the best,

  2. I have never had any problems with Tele2, for me they’ve been pretty brilliant actually. And, I would advise against ever going to a salesperson and have they look things up for you. Usually you get a shit phone and a crap account, but if you stalk information for yourself, what’s best and what phone you want, you can just walk in there and “I want this, and that’s it” :D No space for them to fuck things up for you. But I never trust salesmen.

  3. Dear Paddy,

    I completely agree with you that the Phone House could have offered you a far better deal but above all a more suitable service plan. It is beyond my comprehension how a salesman can recommend a Maxi service plan to a customer who obviously does not make so many calls. For those of you who are unfamiliar with our Maxi Service plan, here is a brief summary. The service plan gives you 3000 minutes to all carriers within Sweden and 3000 SMS and 3000 MMS for 499 SEK/month. Needless to say, this service plan is an excellent choice for customers who make many calls and send many text messages but it is irrefutably a poor choice for customers such as yourself Paddy. As you clearly stated in your post, you are nowhere in the vicinity of 3000 minutes per month. The Phone House should have cancelled the contract and rectified their mistake by giving you the opportunity to sign up for a better service plan, for instance either Kompis or Snackis.

    According to our terms of agreement, it is however not possible to change the service plan from Maxi or Fast Pris (its previous name) during the period of agreement, which in your case was 18 months. I still contend that the Phone House could have helped you cancel the original contract and offer you Kompis or Snackis. This is extremely regrettable and even though the actions of the Phone House are irrevocable, I do want to offer my apologies on behalf of them as they are one of our retailers.

    Best regards,

    Alan Kocevic, Tele2.

    Do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions at

    • Well, this is like writing a blog post about religion and then getting a reply from Jesus.

      Alan, I am slightly amazed that somebody has been given the job of going into google every day, typing in “tele2 comviq”, choosing “the last 24 hours” and “blogs” and then going in to read every blog entry that pops up. (Try it, it works.)

      Alan, if you REALLY cared about my problems, you would have done two things: mailed me privately, and offered me something for my pain and suffering. But:

      1) You did NOT mail me privately, you simply posted to my blog. And this is PR, pure and simple. You do NOT give a crap about me, you only care about the image of Tele2 being seen as a “caring” company. This is damage limitation, not “customer care” and you know it.

      2) You offered me nothing more than an apology. This is not good enough. Phone House may have sold me the account but you people rang me EVERY MONTH and asked me if I was “happy”. I explained why I was NOT happy and you did nothing about it. You didn’t contact Phone House for me, you didn’t try and make me a better deal. You did NOTHING.

      And now you come along and are all “caring”? Well I don’t buy it Alan. You say “I still contend that the Phone House could have helped you cancel the original contract and offer you Kompis or Snackis.” Then why didn’t Tele2 contact them for me and try and fix it? You know why? Because you really don’t care. You want to be seen as “caring” but really you don’t. You have my money and you want to stop other people from reading about your errors.

      You want to make me happy? How about a public apology of this being Tele2’s fault (which you do not for a moment admit)? And how about something to make me happy after having paid 10.000 too much for mobile services? Something more than a lukewarm apology?

      Me and my 900-per-day blog readers are awaiting your reply with great interest.

  4. Down with tele-oppression! After phone company armageddon has been successfully enacted, I dream of a bright future when “open-source” phone companies flourish, guided and defined purely and directly by its customers. No telemarketers; no clueless middle men in cubicles; just user-defined wiki-interfaces accepting suggestions and allowing customers to share phone model designs. ;oP

  5. paddyK :
    You could maybe try pointing this out to them? I mean, only to fuck with their heads, but still, it could be worth a shot.

    Paddy, I did. Several years ago. You wouldn’t believe their (last) answer. I phoned them three or four times during the first couple of years or so, informing them that I was no longer a client of theirs and that they could save themselves the trouble of mailing me their bills for the fixed cost, which I naturally will never pay anyway. The first few times I was informed that yes, they would stop sending me the bills, this was all a mistake, sorry, sorry.

    The last time was more interesting. And more revealing. The guy I spoke to bluntly informed me that “We have not cancelled your account with us”.

    Well, obviously not. More to the point, though, is that I, as the client, had long ago cancelled my account with them.

    Obviously, this guy and Tele2 have remained unfazed by this cancellation, no matter what the persons I talked to before him said. Or maybe it’s just their computers. I honestly don’t know. The guy might just have believed his computer screen more than he believed me.

    The one thing that makes me happy, though, is that they keep wasting money (and what with the bookkeeping and the people licking the envelopes and everything, it will in the long run cost them at least something)sending me bills that are never being paid.

    By the way, Alan, if you read this and decide to reply to Paddy and then actually do something about his situation with you people, you might look into my situation as well. While you’re at it, I mean. Check your computer system for “Bellis”, which is my real surname, and mail me a cancellation of my account with Tele2 to the same address where you keep sending all those bills.

    Thank you!

    All the best,

  6. WARNING Completely unrelated post

    Letter from the Pope

    Apparently some of my employees have been raping your children.
    Sorry about that.
    Also, the managers of those workers refused to take action when the rapes were reported.
    Sorry about that.
    Anyway, I’ve written to the workers and the managers and told them not to do it any more.
    So it’s all better now.

  7. 1. There’s no surprise that Tele 2 replies to your blog. There are dedicated tools you can use to automatically find blogposts, tweets and what have you concerning your particular brand name.

    2. This really makes me think twice since a tele2 salesperson called me up last week and made me agree to move my phone and internet connection to them, which would help me save a bunch of money. Fortunately I have a two week out-option.

    It seems it really would save me a bunch of money. But since I really need a functioning internet connection and Bredbandsbolaget has been pretty flawless it may not be worth that risk. I will need to check some costumer forums about this first to see if this is a general problem. HAd big problem with Comhem before.

  8. Dear Padde,

    First I want to make it abundantly clear that this is not simply a PR stunt on our part. Admittedly, we do monitor blogs as part of our continuous effort to improve our customer service and to help resolve a problem and to provide answers to any inquiry pertaining to our products. We believe that our customers provide us with invaluable feedback, which subsequently helps us optimize our customer support and also alerts us to technical issues or difficulties so that we can resolve them as soon as they occur.

    Second, I stated that the Phone House representative could have offered you a better deal by canceling the original contract and sign you up for either Kompis or Snackis. Failure on the Phone House’s part to rectify its mistake is extemely regrettable, even though I am not sure if anything can be done about it at this point. Furthermore, it is not clear from your original post whether or not you returned to the retail store in order to abrogate the original terms of agreement once you realized that the service plan was not suitable for you. Please note that Tele2 does not have the authority on its own to rescind the mutually agreed to terms of agreement between any given customer and a third party. Any irregularities must be brought to the retail store’s (in your case the Phone House) attention immediately. If they are unable to cancel the contract then there is nothing we can do; we do not have the authority to override their decision.

    I will, none the less, look into your case in detail in order to determine if anything could have been done on our part to change prematurely your service plan. Send me an email with your phone number and I will get back to you as soon as I can.


    Alan Kocevic, Tele2.

  9. I will just mention that day before yesterday I received my latest bill from Tele2, which was a reminder to pay the bill they sent me in February. This one is dated 24th of March 2010, but has taken a little while to reach me here in Athens.

    Anyway, thought some of you might like to know.

    They’ve been at it for some five or six years now, ever since I cancelled my account with them. See further up in the tree of comments for full story.

    Drive a hard,

  10. That is a good idea! I will. And I’ll report the result here on your blog.

    I didn’t see your reply until now, actually, because I went to this blog post again in order to keep anybody interested updated on the fact that I just received a new bill from Tele2. Now again.

    Please note that Alan from Tele2 has not bothered to remove me from their computer system, as I asked him to do, although that would have been fairly easy for him. To find the one Bellis – my family is the only one with that surname in Sweden and I am the only one in my family to ever have been a customer of Tele2 – would be very easy. It wouldn’t take more than half a minute. But no, he seems to prefer to have the company he works for keep sending me the bills.

    Great service, when you think of it, to go to all that regular trouble for nothing.

    Drive a hard,

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