I have a toaster, see? And the toaster goes up to seven. Seven what, I don’t rightly know, but seven is the number up to which it goes.
Now, at this high setting, everything burns; I suspect that even asbestos and depleted uranium would burn at seven in my toaster. It seems that the only useful settings are from three to five, and all other settings are of no interest unless you happen to be testing materials for re-entry into the Earth’s atmosphere.
What I would like, in fact, is a toaster from my childhood. A toaster where the top setting will give you nice toast and no other setting is required. And where the latch catches with a satisfying “clunk” sound.
You know what I mean, right? Not one of those fancy magnetic latches that only hold the bread down when the toaster is plugged in. Don’t ask me why I want a latch that works even when the toaster isn’t plugged in, I just do. Probably because I find that solid mechanical “clunk” very satisfying. And probably because I strongly suspect that mechanical latches were phased out in favour of magnetic ones about 20 years ago because they were cheaper to manufacture.
Well fuck that, I want one anyway: an antiquated, simple, tough piece of technology that does one job, and does it well. When exactly did we stop making things like that, eh? And, may I further enquire, why? Bloody iPhones, if you ask me.
And yes, don’t worry, we will get back to the priests shortly, I promise.