Stockholm Street Wit

Picture the scene. Me and three people (oh alright then, three cute babes) were out walking close to my apartment, when suddenly two Danish people stumble in from stage left.

The guy is basically a viking with a bare-shouldered t-shirt. The girl is a very sad specimen with lips five sizes too large for her face, a plastic orange tan and the beady eyes of a tabloid reader. Both of them are appallingly drunk.

The guy sees me (and hears me). He pauses in his stumbling long enough to say:

“Hey, why you talkin’ English? Where you from?”

“Ireland.”

Slight frown. “What you doin’ here?”

Shrug. “I live here.”

“Well.” Short pause. “Fuck off!”

And off they stumble, those veritable Oscar Wildes of the street, to that place where idiots go. Like a Catholic church. Or maybe even a golf course.

/ paddy

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12 thoughts on “Stockholm Street Wit

  1. Been there, done that, etc, etc…

    But I do think the ad for “Scientology – Fastest growing religion” looks a tad out of place on your blog, of all places. I take it you had nothing to do with that?

  2. Ha, I LOOOVE your expression “beady eyes like a tabloid reader”. No more needs to be said – we know exactlywwhat you’ve seen. But lips TWO large? Is that poetry or just a misplaced w? (says the megapedantiste)

  3. You had me with the picture of Wilde wearing the horns. Maybe it’s a running joke on your blog (therefore apology for being a newbie): but why was the Dane telling you to fuck off in Stockholm? They are claiming each other’s territory over there now?! What is this? Operation Protecting Blonde People?

  4. People are kind of retarded. Really. You should have called him something in a heavy irish dialect so he wouldn’t be able to make it out.

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