Stupid Razor Names

I hate it when I give away all the tension directly in the title of the blog. Like I just did now. Damn it. So, yeah, men’s razors have daft names. Really incredibly daft. As if all the meetings take place in day-care centres and involve Duplo and modelling clay. Examples? Oh you betcha.

  • Fusion ProGlide Power
  • Fusion Power Phenom
  • Mach3 Turbo Champion
  • Quattro Titanium Precision

See? Now Dara O’Briain below says it rather better than me. Note there are Greek subtitles because some kind moron removed the swear words in the English version. Because we are so delicate. (For the sake of completion, here’s what they removed: shit, fuck, fuck, fucking, Christ, shit, Jesus Christ, fuck, Pope Rat’s Arse).

The reason, I imagine, is because advertisers are idiots. Yeah, actually, that’s it right there, dans une nutshell. Advertisers are complete fucking morons who should be whipped to within an inch of their lives, and regularly. That’s been established by me, Bill Hicks and pretty much fucking everybody. QED. From the Latin: Quadvertisers Er Diotes.

And what do I shave with? A simple honest Protector. Twelve years old and still going strong. And therefore to the advertisers I say – shove THAT in your arse and smoke it. Or shave it. Whatever.

/ paddy (Turbo Laser Ultra 4)

13 thoughts on “Stupid Razor Names

  1. They use those names in the hope that they’ll appeal to a generation that grew up with Transformers.

    Either that, or the advertisers themselves grew up with Transformers and that’s their idea of cool.

  2. I agree! Although I shave my legs with Mach3 for men, even though I’m not a man. However it’s not the “turbo”, not the “turbo champion” and thankfully not the “power nitro”, just Mach3, plain and simple. The First. I guess they’ll rename that soon, or remove it from the market. The name is too simple, too short, too old-fashioned. Then I’ll be forced to use the one with five blades that looks like a killer weapon, or the one that vibrates. Or those stupid razors with shaving cream (for men, which means unbelievable amounts of disgusting perfume) inside the handle. :)

  3. Hmm, I wonder when they’ll come out with razors with 24 blades. I especially gag on my soup when the razor people speak of their “razor technology”. LMFAO! Razor commercials are proof that the end is nigh, surely.

    • No, I think you’ll find it’s ADVANCED razor technology, and not just regular boring old technology. Or maybe even cutting-edge technology..?

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