Mucking About On Trains

So today was mine and H12’s big trip. We were off to Copenhagen to visit a friend and see that wonderful city where the people are like Stockholm people, but possibly a bit taller and richer and with better teeth.

We got to the train station at 12 noon and clambered onto our train, full of enthusiasm. Just 5 hours 30 minutes to another country, fucking awesome. And we’d get to cross the mighty Öresundsbron, a really sweet bridge I’d never seen. And we’d get to be on a train, which I rather like too.

At 17.20, five minutes before the train pulled into Malmö, we were informed that all traffic over the bridge had been stopped. We dashed to the ticket office in Malmö station to be told by the bent old ladies who worked there: “What? Is it? Really? Who said?” After some phone calls to their tarot card readers, they confirmed that the bridge was out, although they couldn’t say why. (A friend on mine in Stockholm, meanwhile, could see the reason plain as day on the Swedish newspaper DN’s site. Heat had warped a rail and a train was stuck.) It’s nice to see the old ladies are being kept in the loop.

We were informed that the stoppage could last an unknown length of time, that we should wear our mittens and that Jupiter was entering Aquarius. So our options right then seemed to be get a ticket back to Stockholm, or else sit it out and possibly enjoy (?) a night in Malmö. We took the ticket back.

10 minutes into said train ride I saw online that the bridge was open again. Yay. But the fun didn’t end there. Three hours into our return trip, the train stopped. An announcement was made that they needed to reset (possibly reboot) the train. They did. The train continued to not move.

We got off, wandered a bit, kicked some stones, and were at last informed that the train was dead and that we’d have to wait for the replacement train. This train would arrive in an hour or so.

So, to summarise, me and H12 stumbled home at 1:01 in the morning, having traversed the country twice, covered over 12oo km, eaten 513 train sandwiches, and were still exactly where we had started. And we wonder exactly why people are flying so much these days. May I suggest, perhaps, it’s because the trains are a rancid pile of shit?

Just a thought.

/ paddy (who would very much like that day of his life back, please)


6 thoughts on “Mucking About On Trains

  1. I’m ashamed. But to defend myself I did not, – repeat did not – vote for M, but for MP.
    To cheer you up I’m off to catch a ferry to an island in the archipelago, just got stuck at Danvikstull because of a bridge opening. Buses can be arses too. Wish me luck!

  2. That sucks. And it’s a super-cool bridge.

    Was the whole thing out or could you have caught a cab to Copenhagen? We used to take cabs over the bridge in the days when I worked in Lund. I was working on a contract for a boutique consultancy working for IBM working for Orange, which is why your phone bills are so high.

    We’ve just gone to Mallaig and back on the West Highland Line – a five hour journey four and a half hours of which are landscape porn, so I am feeling quite benign towards trains at the moment.


    • The whole thing was out. Although the old ladies in the ticket office didn’t know a damn thing. It really was a bit sad.

      I’ve been on the West Highland Line. It’s wonderful.

  3. Personally, I don’t understand the point of ground-rollers and water-splashers at all, wherefore I always fly. Last I went to Copenhagen it took but an hour and the plane didn’t even once grind to a halt midway there.

    All the best,

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