Real Estate Bastards

I try not to hate people. That’s not a way to be happy. Even though I hold certain views myself, I always enjoy talking to people with different views. Not in order to feel superior by beating them over the head with logic to prove I am “right” (as done by quite a few people I could mention), but because I might gain a new viewpoint, a new way to see the world. And that’s what life is all about, right?

But there’s one group of people that I unreservedly despise. A group that should, with all due haste, be removed from the surface of the planet; scraped from Terra’s boots like yesterday’s dried dog-shit. And these are real estate agents.

To save you reading the rest of this rant, I’ll summarise here: I fucking despise real estate agents. Like nothing else in this world. I hate them, for example, more than fascists. At least many fascists have some belief that they are doing some kind of greater good, as misplaced as it might be. Real estate agents are simply selfish, greedy scum.

Twice have I had dealings with these despicable twigs of humanity. Twice have they tried, in some way, to cheat me. And one time was when the bastard was actually working for me, selling my apartment and getting paid handsomely for his few hours of sweaty-fingered work. He tried to cheat me anyway.

I mean, what do they do exactly? They sell things that there is a huge demand for. And how do they do this? By lying, cheating, and pressing up prices. Are they experts in anything? No. Do they have a special skill that can’t be found elsewhere? No. Are they in any way necessary to the smooth running of the world? No they fucking aren’t.

They go to school too, and fuck knows what they learn there, except to take misleading photos, write deceptive texts and suck money from people. In fact, they seem to exist for two reasons – to push up property prices in any way they can in order to increase their own cut, and to keep prices in general high. Property bubbles are entirely their fault. Okay, them and the banks, but mostly them, the spineless, gutless, soulless, suit-wearing sons of bitches. Useless slabs of flesh, every last one, without exception.

Nobody put these sentiments better than Stewart Lee in his awesome sketch. And who wouldn’t like to batter estate agents repeatedly with a heavy bat? Sounds fucking delightful if you ask me.

(And for fuck’s sake, buy the man’s DVD.)

So join me in making the world a better place. Let’s all spit at a real estate agent today. A big sticky globular one, with shades of green in it. You know you want to.

/ paddy

12 thoughts on “Real Estate Bastards

  1. I think the same concept applies to any business where the goal is to sell expensive products to clueless people. (Clueless about said business, that is.) Real estate is one such line of business where the product sold is supposed to be an investment, and where people often have no clue what to look for when evaluating the quality of the object. Another such business would be used cars. And I’m sure there are more, even though I can’t think of any from the top of my head.

  2. The next time I run into a big sticky globular real estate agent with shades of green in it, I will keep your words in mind.

  3. I know many real estate agents that are doing what they do just because its a job and it gives you pay, just like every other salesman! They are not bad people and do not judge them especially since they are not affiliated with any banks; lenders are. Lots of youngsters go into the real estate business because many simply enjoy previewing property, helping clients find their ideal homes, or just a paycheck like everyone else. It’s very difficult to have succesful transactions these days due to the economy

    • No particular reason… I’m just writing a lot on other stuff, and since I’m not anonymous anymore it’s not half as fun. But look, there’s a new one today!

  4. Hello! I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoyed your blog post. I found it very informative. Keep up the good work! Do you need an affordable custom mobile app that will be submitted to both Apple and Android upon your final approval? For REAL ESTATE AGENTS, this app is especially helpful as it contains the ability to set reservations, notify clients about open houses, and it even has a mortgage calculator!! My developers make these custom mobile apps for small to medium sized businesses. Near or far, it doesn’t matter. We can still work something out as everything can be done over email, phone, instant messenger, or text messages. You can choose what fits your business best. Our office is located in Mesa, Arizona. If your business is in Phoenix, Scottsdale, Tempe, Chandler, or the surrounding areas, TheAppTones can come to your business to make things even easier. You can see demo apps on our website. Again, keep up the great work on your website!!

  5. so why would First National F, throw away my cash offer,….that, because of multiple bidding,….I pushed $6,000 over MLS.

    First the PRE SELECTED???, buyer had to be nudged even, just to bring their offer up to that, ….then received a weeks extension for financing, …whilst, myself, not even 5 min for the largely immaterial home inspection. …the REALTOR, recommended.

    ….lot alone was worth the asking price.

    She said placing a condition, didn’t make any difference” to my, highest, motivated, serious, offer being thrown away!

    To give me a very delayed start, to my making serious enquiries, lIsting agent refused to pass property condition information to the two Realtors, I contacted,

    ..2nd of whoom gave me only 4 hours to submit my offer. She said, yes it would be fine to e submit my $5,000 deposit, the next day.

    …so what gives with mortgage, finance co. ?????

    …are employees allowed to throw $ away. And what about the Court. saying it was OK for this sleazy sale to occur???? HOw can I dig to find out what/and why, exactly those final steps occurred??

    regards MIke Plandowski

  6. I hate theses real estate parasite pricks..They are the scum of the earth..blood sucking..I just cannot say enough about this garbage..I had one that had my would think she was working for the buyer..bottom line theses bottom feeders only work for themselves..

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