I think we’ll just skip the whole “oh it’s been a while”, shall we? And it’ll probably be a while until the next one too, so get used to it.
Anyway, I simply had to inform you all (all 7 of you, at this rate) of a miraculous happening in my bathroom. After my Halloween party last weekend (and yes, it was awesome) I spotted a stain on the bathroom floor. Some combination of wine and grime, I assumed, and thought no more about it.
But last night, while sitting nearby in a contemplative mood, I looked at the stain and realised that it was more than a stain. It was, in fact, a sign. A miracle, if I may be so bold. See for yourself:
Praise be the bathroom floor tile cruciform! (Hereby know as the BFTC). But what does it mean? Has God blessed my party? Is he telling me to stop drinking wine, at least off the floor? Is he saying I should have more parties, to the glory of his name? Or is he telling me to drop everything, disarm my penis and charge, whimpering and lamenting, for the nearest monastery?
I don’t know what it means, but clearly it means something. I mean, random images cannot just appear at random, can they? What kind of universe would that be?
In the meantime, I’m waiting for the BFTC pilgrims to arrive. And if anybody wants to buy my floor on eBay, I’m ready to deal.
/ paddy
Paddy K 
I worry. Maybe it’s supposed to be seen from the other side. Is it a Satanic miracle?
The cross faces the seat. It’s a no-brainer.
Yes, I agree. The picture must be upside-down. Everybody knows that Jesus is on vacation right now. His answering machine just says “I’ll be back soon!” but it’s been a while and people are starting to think he skipped town. Anybody seen him? Anybody? No? Oh well.
Perhaps he’s passing the job onto me? What will I need? A beard? A cup? A pedicurist of bad moral standing?
It is crucial for the interpretation that you take into account the orientation of the Miracle, when viewed from atop the throne. You may in fact be dealing with a sign from Lucifer himself, or something else entirely.
Me read other comment? Never do!
The cross faces the seat. It’s a … ooh hang on….
well if you had bothered to follow the masses in changing kitchens and reading interior design magazines, you would know that there is now a product for protecting grout from such mishaps and save you from the monastery
There’s anti-holy grout now? Brilliant.