A short reminder from god

Well it seems that the creationists have sneaked back into my house. Despite my best attempts at eradication, they have wriggled through the letter-box and squeezed under the hall door to drop their propaganda right on my kitchen table, before scampering off into the cold night.

Or maybe it’s been here all the time, masquerading as a innocuous household tool, just waiting for me to notice its message. Anyway, here it is, this vile kiddie-propaganda, a pathetic attempt to win over the minds of the wee ones with its cuddly animals and confused mumblings and nonsense stories. Feast your eyes upon it, oh measuring and calculating unbeliever:

Figure 1: The sacred measuring apparatus of Antioch

For those of you who missed Swedish class, I can hereby relate that the text reads, more or less: “All the animals in the world, arrived here by Creator’s word.”

Now they don’t say which creator they mean, but the capital letter kind of gives the game away. Aha, THAT creator, the invisible, all-powerful yet strangely powerless entity who wants us all to be good or else he’ll spank our bottoms. Yes, THAT guy…

Perhaps I will design my own ruler, with the following text:

“All the animals, cells and life; come from a billion years of strife”

Or maybe:

“Roses are red and violets are green; you have no penis and god is a dream”

Nice, eh? I should maybe print up some greeting cards…

Anyway, I will keep the ruler and attempt to overcome its evil power (and, as a ruler, it’s actually quite good). And, as a brief aside, I actually used this ruler a month ago when writing a previous blog entry about a certain elongated part of the male body, which required a few delicate measurements to be made.

Hmmm…perhaps I should repeat the measurement and send the photograph to the creationists so they can see their message is not being ignored, and that their hardware is being put to good wholesome uses? I think that sounds like a plan!

/ paddy